Financial abuse is one of the most common—and least recognized—forms of abuse. It is often used to gain power and control, limiting a person’s ability to make choices, access resources, or live independently.

Financial abuse can include controlling access to money, preventing someone from working, stealing or misusing funds, running up debt in another person’s name, or monitoring every financial decision. While it often occurs alongside other forms of abuse, it can also happen on its own—and its impact can be long-lasting.

At Younity, we recognize financial abuse as a critical issue affecting people of all ages and backgrounds. It is not limited to intimate partner relationships. Financial exploitation can also impact older adults, particularly when caregivers, family members, or trusted individuals misuse money, pressure someone to sign documents, or isolate them from financial decision-making.

Financial Abuse as Power and Control

Like other forms of abuse, financial abuse is rooted in power and control. By limiting access to money or information, an abusive person can make it harder for someone to leave an unsafe situation, seek help, or rebuild independence.

The effects can follow people long after the abuse ends—through damaged credit, debt, lost employment opportunities, or ongoing financial instability.

Education, Prevention, and Financial Independence

Younity’s Education & Prevention Program offers workshops that help community members recognize the warning signs of financial abuse and understand how it fits within broader patterns of control.

For clients seeking support, Younity collaborates with Isles to provide financial education and coaching. Through this partnership, clients can access tools and guidance that support budgeting, credit repair, and long-term financial stability—key steps toward independence and safety.

Why Awareness Matters

Understanding financial abuse helps people name what they are experiencing, seek support earlier, and protect themselves and others. Awareness also plays an important role in supporting older adults, who may be particularly vulnerable to financial exploitation.

During National Financial Wellness Month, we encourage everyone to learn more about financial abuse, share resources, and help build pathways toward safety and independence.

Key National Statistics on Financial Abuse

99% of people who experience domestic violence also experience financial abuse
Source: National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV)

Financial abuse is one of the leading reasons survivors stay in or return to abusive situations
Source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

Older adults lose billions of dollars each year to financial exploitation, often by someone they know
Source: National Council on Aging (NCOA)

Abusers frequently use debt, credit damage, and employment interference as tools of control, creating long-term economic harm
Source: Allstate Foundation – research on the economic impact of abuse

Stalking is when someone repeatedly follows, contacts, or watches another person in ways that are unwanted and cause fear or distress. This can include constant phone calls, repeated texting or emailing, monitoring through social media, or showing up at places where the person lives, works, or spends time. The key is that the behavior is repeated, unwanted, and makes the person feel unsafe or anxious.

Stalking does not look the same for everyone, and it does not always begin with behavior that feels obviously dangerous. For many people, it starts quietly, often framed as concern, attention, or care. Over time, those behaviors can escalate into constant monitoring, fear, and a loss of safety.

According to Johanka Lantigua, a bilingual Counselor Advocate with Younity’s Counseling & Support Services team, this pattern is something she sees often in her work with clients.

“Stalking can show up in many ways,” Johanka explains. “Some people are tracked through their phones or cars. Others are followed in different vehicles, monitored through social media, or watched through cameras placed in personal spaces. These behaviors create constant fear and stress.”

When Stalking Is Hard to Recognize

One of the greatest challenges Johanka sees is that many clients do not initially recognize what they are experiencing as stalking.

“In many cases, the person harming them is someone they know,” she says. “At first, behaviors are explained away as care or concern. Someone asks for a location ‘for safety,’ wants constant access, or checks in repeatedly. Over time, that turns into control.”

Clients may minimize early warning signs such as excessive calling, pressure to share passwords or locations, or anger when they do not respond immediately. “These behaviors are not normal or healthy,” Johanka emphasizes. “When they escalate, they can become dangerous.”

Safety Planning Is Personal

Johanka works closely with clients to develop individualized safety plans, recognizing that there is no single approach that works for everyone.

“Safety planning means thinking ahead,” she explains. “What will you do if the person shows up? Who can you call? Where can you go? It also means involving people you trust, like coworkers, neighbors, or family, so you are not carrying this alone.”

She also encourages clients to be mindful of routines, adjust schedules when possible, and limit what they share online. “Stalkers use predictability,” she says. “Changing routes, shopping at different locations, and keeping social media accounts private can help reduce risk.”

Technology Can Help—and Harm

While technology is often used to stalk and monitor, Johanka also points to tools that can increase safety.

She recommends free safety apps such as Noonlight and App-Elles, which allow users to discreetly alert emergency services or trusted contacts if they feel unsafe. “These tools can provide reassurance, especially when someone feels vulnerable or alone,” she says.

Johanka also encourages clients to regularly check phones, Bluetooth settings, and vehicles for unfamiliar devices, and to document anything that feels concerning. “Writing things down matters,” she notes. “Dates, times, screenshots, call logs—this information can be critical if someone seeks legal protection.”

Trust Your Instincts and Seek Support

Perhaps the most important message Johanka shares is this: trust your instincts.

“If something feels wrong, it probably is,” she says. “Stalking is not the survivor’s fault, and no one deserves to live in fear.”

Counseling can help survivors process the stress and trauma of stalking while also building practical strategies for safety and healing. “You do not have to wait until something terrible happens to ask for help,” Johanka adds. “Support is available.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking, Younity’s Counseling & Support Services is here to help.

Johanka’s Tips for Staying Safer When You’re Experiencing Stalking

Trust your instincts.
If something feels off, take it seriously.

Make a safety plan.
Decide ahead of time where you can go and who you can contact if the person shows up.

Tell people you trust.
Let a coworker, neighbor, or friend know what’s happening so you have support and extra eyes.

Protect your accounts.
Update passwords, use two-step verification, and review privacy settings on social media.

For people experiencing stalking, the decision to seek a restraining order, either temporary or final, often comes after prolonged fear, uncertainty, and emotional strain. Walking into court can feel intimidating, especially when someone is asked to explain deeply distressing experiences in a formal setting.

At Younity, Lisseth Dzurkoc, Senior Bilingual Court Advocate, supports individuals as they navigate this process. Her role is to help people understand what will happen in court, what options may be available, and how to prepare for a setting that can feel overwhelming.

Court Advocates do not provide legal advice or legal representation. Instead, they offer information, preparation, and support so individuals can walk into court feeling more grounded and informed.

Helping the Court Understand What’s Been Happening

Stalking cases often involve patterns of behavior rather than a single incident. Judges are looking to understand what has been happening over time, how often it occurred, and how it has affected the person seeking protection.

Lisseth works with individuals to think through how to clearly explain their experiences. Stress and trauma can make it difficult to recall details or speak confidently, especially in a courtroom. Preparation helps people feel steadier and more focused when sharing what they have been experiencing.

Why Preparation and Organization Matter

Court environments can move quickly, and many people feel nervous or anxious. Lisseth helps individuals prepare by explaining courtroom procedures, what to expect during a hearing, and how the process typically unfolds.

Court Advocates support preparation by helping individuals become familiar with the information they already have and by helping them think through how to clearly explain what has been happening. Being prepared and organized can help individuals feel more confident when speaking directly to the court.

Preparation is not about perfection. It is about helping people feel ready to speak for themselves.

Two Ways to Request a Temporary Restraining Order in New Jersey

In New Jersey, how someone requests a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) depends on timing and urgency.

During court hours, individuals typically file directly with the Superior Court, Family Division in the county where they live, where the incident occurred, or where they are staying. A judge reviews the request and may issue a TRO if immediate protection is needed.

When courts are closed or when there is immediate danger, individuals can go to their local police department. In these situations, police can help initiate a TRO by contacting an on-call judge, who must still review and approve the order.

Both paths involve judicial review, but the police route is intended for after-hours or urgent situations, while Family Court is generally the starting point during normal court operations.

Lisseth helps individuals understand which option applies to their situation and what to expect from each process.

When There Is No Prior Relationship: VASPA

Not all stalking cases involve a current or former partner. In some situations, the person causing harm may be a coworker, acquaintance, neighbor, or someone met online.

In these cases, individuals may be eligible to seek protection under the Victim’s Assistance Protective Order Act (VASPA). VASPA allows someone to request a protective order even when there is no dating or domestic relationship.

VASPA orders are filed directly through Family Court and are designed to provide protection when traditional domestic violence restraining orders do not apply. Lisseth helps individuals understand whether this option may be available and what the filing process involves.

Staying Grounded in a Stressful Environment

Court can be emotionally difficult. Many people worry that nervousness or emotion will work against them. These reactions are normal.

Lisseth helps individuals understand courtroom expectations, prepare emotionally, and take breaks when needed. People are encouraged to pause, take a breath, and speak at their own pace.

The advocate’s role is to support—not to rush—and to help people feel less alone during a challenging experience.

Support Beyond the Courtroom

In addition to preparation, Lisseth helps individuals understand what different outcomes may mean and what next steps could look like. Some people feel conflicted about pursuing a permanent restraining order, especially when children or shared connections are involved.

These concerns are common, and conversations always center safety, clarity, and wellbeing.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Seeking protection takes courage. While the court system can feel intimidating, preparation and support can make a meaningful difference.

Through her work, Lisseth Dzurkoc helps individuals walk into court understanding what to expect and knowing they are supported every step of the way.

Lisseth’s Tips for Preparing for Court in Stalking Cases

Take time to prepare.
Court can move quickly, and nerves are normal. Thinking through what you want to share ahead of time can help you feel more grounded and focused when it’s time to speak.

Focus on patterns, not just one incident.
Stalking is often about repeated behavior over time. Be ready to explain what has been happening, how often, and how it has affected your sense of safety or wellbeing.

Use clear, organized information.
Judges are looking for clarity. Bringing screenshots, photos, messages, call logs, or other materials in an organized way can help the court better understand your experience.

Share both recent and past behavior.
If there is a history of concerning behavior, it matters. Past incidents can help show an ongoing pattern, even if the most recent incident is what brought you to court.

Know your filing options.
You may be able to request protection through the police or by filing directly with Family Court. If there is no prior relationship with the person causing harm, a VASPA order may be an option.

Remember that feeling nervous is okay.
Anxiety, emotion, or pauses do not mean you are doing something wrong. Take your time. Judges understand that court can be stressful.

You don’t have to go through this alone.
Court Advocates can help you understand what to expect and feel more prepared as you navigate the process.

When Stalking Is Dismissed, Lives Are at Risk

January is National Stalking Awareness Month, a time to bring attention to a crime that is often misunderstood, minimized, or dismissed until it escalates into serious harm.

The month is rooted in the legacy of Peggy Klinke, a 32-year-old woman who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend on January 18, 2003, after years of documented stalking. Peggy sought help, obtained a protective order, and did everything the system asked of her. Still, she was told repeatedly that nothing could be done until violence occurred.

Her story is why January 18 is now recognized nationally as the Day of Action, and why early intervention matters.

What Stalking Really Is

Stalking is not a single incident. It is a pattern of repeated actions that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or experience significant emotional distress.

“Stalking is action—repeated actions,” explains Suki Wasserman, a member of Younity’s Response Team. “It only takes two or more incidents, and it can be carried out through any form of communication. Digital stalking, in particular, has become a huge concern.”

Stalking may involve following someone, showing up repeatedly at their home or workplace, or using technology to monitor or intimidate them. Cameras placed inside a home, tracking through shared accounts, or monitoring a person’s movements through their car or phone are realities Younity advocates see firsthand.

“It’s often harder than people realize to disable that kind of surveillance,” Suki notes. “Car tracking is especially complicated. Even with a restraining order, survivors may run into barriers when a vehicle or account is jointly owned.”

Most Stalking Is Committed by Someone the Victim Knows

One of the most persistent myths about stalking is that it is usually committed by a stranger. In reality, stalking most often comes from someone known to the victim.

In 2025, Younity served 598 people who reported experiencing stalking, according to data compiled by Younity’s Prevention & Education team. While stalking was the primary reason for service for 32 individuals, the majority experienced stalking as part of domestic violence—meaning the person harming them was someone they knew.

National data reflects this pattern:

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will experience stalking in their lifetime
• Nearly three out of four people are stalked by someone they know
• Stalking is one of the strongest predictors of future violence and homicide

Why Stalking Is So Hard to Report

Stalking is difficult to explain because each individual action may seem minor on its own. Survivors are often told to block the person, ignore the behavior, or wait until it becomes more serious.

But waiting is dangerous.

“That’s why documentation matters,” says Suki. “When we respond to a stalking call, we provide an incident log so survivors can track what’s happening over time. Patterns are what judges need to see, and they’re what tell the real story.”

Younity advocates also provide personalized safety planning, which may include changing routines, securing digital accounts, alerting workplaces or schools, and identifying safe people to call if the stalker appears.

“There is no one-size-fits-all solution,” Suki explains. “Some people feel safer cutting off all access. Others feel safer knowing where the person is. Our role is to listen and help survivors make choices that work for their safety.”

Stalking Is Not Romantic. It Is Dangerous.

Movies and popular culture often portray stalking as persistence or devotion. In real life, it is about control, fear, and harm.

Nearly 72% of people experiencing stalking report threats of physical harm, and many are forced to relocate, change jobs, or alter every part of their daily life to stay safe.

Peggy Klinke’s story reminds us what happens when warning signs are ignored.

Stalking escalates.
Early intervention saves lives.

Help Is Available

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking, support is available before a situation reaches a crisis point.

This year, children in Younity’s housing program experienced a holiday celebration filled with warmth and joy, including a special visit from Santa, made possible entirely through the generosity of Kay Lory and her husband, Don Rickert.

Together, Kay and Don donated every aspect of the celebration, from filled stockings for each child to cake, treats, and the many details that made the day feel festive and special.

Kay’s connection to Younity spans more than three decades. She began her career at the Safe House in 1989 as a Counselor Advocate and went on to serve in several leadership roles, including Director of Residential Services and Associate Executive Director. Over the years, her work helped shape programs, policies, and systems that allowed Younity to grow and better serve victim-survivors across our community.

Even after leaving Younity, Kay’s commitment to the mission has remained strong. This holiday season, she and Don chose to give back in a deeply personal way by creating a moment of joy and normalcy for children living in Younity’s housing program.

“The holidays can be an especially hard time for many families in our housing program,” said Janet Ginest, Housing Navigator. “A lot of folks feel adrift during this season. They feel very alone. Moments like this help remind them that they are not.”

The impact of the celebration was felt deeply by the families who attended.

“At the end of the party, one of our clients shared through tears how much the day meant to her,” said Geraldo Sierra, Program Coordinator of Transitional Housing. “She told us, ‘I can feel that you put your heart into this, and it means a lot. This feels like family to me.’”

We are deeply grateful to Kay and Don, and to all who help create moments of connection, care, and belonging for the families we serve.

When Lieutenant Benjamin Miller of the Hightstown Police Department contacted Younity during Communities of Light this year, his message was simple but deeply meaningful. Nearly two decades earlier, while working as a detective, he helped investigate the domestic violence homicide of 27-year-old Amy O. Giordano, a young mother whose life was taken in 2007. The case has stayed with him ever since.

Lt. Miller picked up a luminary kit from Younity and later sent a message that moved our entire team:

“I lit the single candle in memory of Amy O. Giordano, who died 18 years ago as a victim of domestic violence. This is outside the apartment where she lived. Thank you for allowing me to celebrate her memory and presence here in Hightstown. May this candle be in her memory and celebrate all victims of domestic violence.”

He shared a photo of the candle glowing quietly outside the place where Amy once lived. The image captured both grief and profound respect.

What Officers Carry Long After The Case Closes

When she read his message, Varonda Kendrick, Younity’s Response Teams Coordinator, shared how deeply the gesture moved her. She told Lt. Miller it was “a thoughtful act of remembrance” and expressed hope that the moment brought him a measure of healing after carrying the weight of the case for so many years.

Varonda works closely with law enforcement and sees firsthand how domestic and sexual violence cases can stay with officers long after they are closed. Officers often must compartmentalize their emotions to keep serving the community, yet some stories never fully leave them. Cases involving families, children, or preventable loss tend to stay with officers for years. Many remember the names, locations, or details long after they retire.

“People forget that officers are human,” she said. “Their community is their family. And some lives stay with them forever.”

Lighting the candle outside Amy’s former home was not a procedural act. It was a quiet moment of honoring a life and perhaps a step toward healing for a detective who never forgot her.

Lt. Miller also shared that he continues to think about Amy’s child, who is now a young adult. His ongoing concern reflects the compassion that guided him then and continues to guide him today.

Why We Light the Candles

Communities of Light is about honoring victim-survivors and standing together as a community. It is also about acknowledging the people who walk beside those families: the advocates, counselors, neighbors, medical staff, and the police officers who carry these stories long after the public has moved on.

Lt. Miller’s gesture reminds us why we gather each year. We come together to remember, to honor, and to reaffirm our commitment to ending domestic and sexual violence.

One candle, lit outside an apartment on a quiet October night, ensured that Amy O. Giordano’s memory will continue to shine.

Moments like this remind us that domestic and sexual violence not only affects victims and families. It touches advocates, police officers, medical teams, and everyone who steps in to help. When one person suffers, the whole community feels it. When one life is remembered, the whole community heals.

In recent weeks, headlines have once again focused on long-buried cases of exploitation involving wealthy, well-connected individuals and the young people they harmed. Many of these stories describe networks of abuse that spanned years, crossed borders, and involved people others trusted, admired, or even celebrated.

Whenever these stories resurface, the same questions echo across the public:
How did this happen to so many people?
Why did no one see it sooner?
Why did no one stop it?

At Younity, our counselors and prevention educators sit with individuals and families who ask those same questions every day. What we know is this. Domestic and sexual violence, including trafficking, almost never begins with obvious danger. It often begins with what appears to be care, attention, romance, or opportunity, offered by someone the victim-survivor knows, likes, or trusts.

In other words, it begins in ways that feel good.

That is exactly why people of all ages, including very smart, capable teens and adults, can be drawn into unhealthy or abusive relationships before they realize anything is wrong.

How Manipulation Often Begins

Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Younity Training Specialist, explains that many abusers and traffickers are “master manipulators.” Their first goal is not to frighten someone. Their goal is to understand them.

They listen closely. They ask questions.

What is your family like?
Who supports you?
What are you worried about?
What do you dream about?

On the surface, it looks like genuine interest. For a teenager or young adult who feels unseen, this kind of attention can feel like safety. The person might offer rides, buy gifts, or constantly check in. Friends may even comment on how caring this new person seems.

But beneath the surface, they may be gathering information on vulnerabilities, support systems, and basic needs. Later, those exact details can be used to control, isolate, or threaten.

To help people recognize these patterns early, Sheilagh points to a prevention model developed by Dr. Dina McMillan, a social psychologist specializing in manipulation and coercive control. Her framework describes three early warning categories: too much, too soon, transform.

Too Much, Too Soon, Transform

Too much

• Too many compliments
• Too many gifts
• Constant attention or togetherness
• Over-the-top declarations about how special the relationship is

It feels romantic and flattering. But intensity without balance can be a sign of manipulation.

Too soon

• Instant declarations of love
• Plans for the future after only weeks
• Pressure to commit emotionally or financially

Healthy relationships grow gradually. When someone pushes for rapid intimacy, they may be fast-tracking dependence.

Transform

• “You would look better if you changed your hair.”
• “Why are you wearing that? You would look better if…”
• “Your friends are not good for you.”

These comments seem like concern but are early attempts to reshape identity, confidence, and support networks. Compliments become criticism. Autonomy shrinks.

From there, other tactics begin to appear, including gaslighting and what Sheilagh calls “ghost lighting”: being intensely present one moment, then disappearing without explanation, and later insisting nothing happened. These behaviors keep the victim survivor off balance and increasingly dependent.

Why We Miss the Signs

If you have ever looked back and wondered, “How did I not see it?,” you are not alone.

We are taught to romanticize intensity. Movies, books, and social media promote the idea that overwhelming attention means love. Abusers understand this. They also know how to charm people around their target — parents, teachers, coaches, coworkers, and friends.

It is also important to understand trauma and disclosure. Victim survivors of sexual violence are the largest group living with PTSD in the United States, according to national data and recent meta-analytic research (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, 2024; Dworkin et al., 2021). In the days and months after an assault, many make quiet, protective decisions about safety.

Who will believe me?
What will happen if I tell?
Will I be blamed?

For some, speaking up immediately feels unsafe. For others, it can take years of processing fear, shame, and confusion before they feel emotionally ready. Disclosure long after the abuse is not a contradiction. It reflects how much they had to survive and carry alone before they reached a place where telling their story felt possible.

How We Can Support Someone Who Discloses

If someone shares that they are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the most important responses are simple and life-changing.

• Believe them.
• Listen without judgment.
• Avoid “why did you stay” or “why did you not see it.”
• Let them set the pace for the next steps.

Every decision a victim-survivor makes is about what feels safest in that moment. Our role is to support, not direct.

You Are Not Alone

If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic or sexual violence or if you are unsure whether a relationship is healthy, Younity is here.

Our services are free, confidential, and always grounded in compassion.
You do not have to be ready to leave.
You do not have to prove anything.
You only need to take one step toward safety.

Younity’s 24/7 hotline:
609-394-9000
younitynj.org/get-help

Together, we can help more people recognize early signs of manipulation, believe victim-survivors when they speak, and build a community where power and control do not have the final word.