When Lieutenant Benjamin Miller of the Hightstown Police Department contacted Younity during Communities of Light this year, his message was simple but deeply meaningful. Nearly two decades earlier, while working as a detective, he helped investigate the domestic violence homicide of 27-year-old Amy O. Giordano, a young mother whose life was taken in 2007. The case has stayed with him ever since.

Lt. Miller picked up a luminary kit from Younity and later sent a message that moved our entire team:

“I lit the single candle in memory of Amy O. Giordano, who died 18 years ago as a victim of domestic violence. This is outside the apartment where she lived. Thank you for allowing me to celebrate her memory and presence here in Hightstown. May this candle be in her memory and celebrate all victims of domestic violence.”

He shared a photo of the candle glowing quietly outside the place where Amy once lived. The image captured both grief and profound respect.

What Officers Carry Long After The Case Closes

When she read his message, Varonda Kendrick, Younity’s Response Teams Coordinator, shared how deeply the gesture moved her. She told Lt. Miller it was “a thoughtful act of remembrance” and expressed hope that the moment brought him a measure of healing after carrying the weight of the case for so many years.

Varonda works closely with law enforcement and sees firsthand how domestic and sexual violence cases can stay with officers long after they are closed. Officers often must compartmentalize their emotions to keep serving the community, yet some stories never fully leave them. Cases involving families, children, or preventable loss tend to stay with officers for years. Many remember the names, locations, or details long after they retire.

“People forget that officers are human,” she said. “Their community is their family. And some lives stay with them forever.”

Lighting the candle outside Amy’s former home was not a procedural act. It was a quiet moment of honoring a life and perhaps a step toward healing for a detective who never forgot her.

Lt. Miller also shared that he continues to think about Amy’s child, who is now a young adult. His ongoing concern reflects the compassion that guided him then and continues to guide him today.

Why We Light the Candles

Communities of Light is about honoring victim-survivors and standing together as a community. It is also about acknowledging the people who walk beside those families: the advocates, counselors, neighbors, medical staff, and the police officers who carry these stories long after the public has moved on.

Lt. Miller’s gesture reminds us why we gather each year. We come together to remember, to honor, and to reaffirm our commitment to ending domestic and sexual violence.

One candle, lit outside an apartment on a quiet October night, ensured that Amy O. Giordano’s memory will continue to shine.

Moments like this remind us that domestic and sexual violence not only affects victims and families. It touches advocates, police officers, medical teams, and everyone who steps in to help. When one person suffers, the whole community feels it. When one life is remembered, the whole community heals.

In recent weeks, headlines have once again focused on long-buried cases of exploitation involving wealthy, well-connected individuals and the young people they harmed. Many of these stories describe networks of abuse that spanned years, crossed borders, and involved people others trusted, admired, or even celebrated.

Whenever these stories resurface, the same questions echo across the public:
How did this happen to so many people?
Why did no one see it sooner?
Why did no one stop it?

At Younity, our counselors and prevention educators sit with individuals and families who ask those same questions every day. What we know is this. Domestic and sexual violence, including trafficking, almost never begins with obvious danger. It often begins with what appears to be care, attention, romance, or opportunity, offered by someone the victim-survivor knows, likes, or trusts.

In other words, it begins in ways that feel good.

That is exactly why people of all ages, including very smart, capable teens and adults, can be drawn into unhealthy or abusive relationships before they realize anything is wrong.

How Manipulation Often Begins

Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Younity Training Specialist, explains that many abusers and traffickers are “master manipulators.” Their first goal is not to frighten someone. Their goal is to understand them.

They listen closely. They ask questions.

What is your family like?
Who supports you?
What are you worried about?
What do you dream about?

On the surface, it looks like genuine interest. For a teenager or young adult who feels unseen, this kind of attention can feel like safety. The person might offer rides, buy gifts, or constantly check in. Friends may even comment on how caring this new person seems.

But beneath the surface, they may be gathering information on vulnerabilities, support systems, and basic needs. Later, those exact details can be used to control, isolate, or threaten.

To help people recognize these patterns early, Sheilagh points to a prevention model developed by Dr. Dina McMillan, a social psychologist specializing in manipulation and coercive control. Her framework describes three early warning categories: too much, too soon, transform.

Too Much, Too Soon, Transform

Too much

• Too many compliments
• Too many gifts
• Constant attention or togetherness
• Over-the-top declarations about how special the relationship is

It feels romantic and flattering. But intensity without balance can be a sign of manipulation.

Too soon

• Instant declarations of love
• Plans for the future after only weeks
• Pressure to commit emotionally or financially

Healthy relationships grow gradually. When someone pushes for rapid intimacy, they may be fast-tracking dependence.

Transform

• “You would look better if you changed your hair.”
• “Why are you wearing that? You would look better if…”
• “Your friends are not good for you.”

These comments seem like concern but are early attempts to reshape identity, confidence, and support networks. Compliments become criticism. Autonomy shrinks.

From there, other tactics begin to appear, including gaslighting and what Sheilagh calls “ghost lighting”: being intensely present one moment, then disappearing without explanation, and later insisting nothing happened. These behaviors keep the victim survivor off balance and increasingly dependent.

Why We Miss the Signs

If you have ever looked back and wondered, “How did I not see it?,” you are not alone.

We are taught to romanticize intensity. Movies, books, and social media promote the idea that overwhelming attention means love. Abusers understand this. They also know how to charm people around their target — parents, teachers, coaches, coworkers, and friends.

It is also important to understand trauma and disclosure. Victim survivors of sexual violence are the largest group living with PTSD in the United States, according to national data and recent meta-analytic research (U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, 2024; Dworkin et al., 2021). In the days and months after an assault, many make quiet, protective decisions about safety.

Who will believe me?
What will happen if I tell?
Will I be blamed?

For some, speaking up immediately feels unsafe. For others, it can take years of processing fear, shame, and confusion before they feel emotionally ready. Disclosure long after the abuse is not a contradiction. It reflects how much they had to survive and carry alone before they reached a place where telling their story felt possible.

How We Can Support Someone Who Discloses

If someone shares that they are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the most important responses are simple and life-changing.

• Believe them.
• Listen without judgment.
• Avoid “why did you stay” or “why did you not see it.”
• Let them set the pace for the next steps.

Every decision a victim-survivor makes is about what feels safest in that moment. Our role is to support, not direct.

You Are Not Alone

If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic or sexual violence or if you are unsure whether a relationship is healthy, Younity is here.

Our services are free, confidential, and always grounded in compassion.
You do not have to be ready to leave.
You do not have to prove anything.
You only need to take one step toward safety.

Younity’s 24/7 hotline:
609-394-9000
younitynj.org/get-help

Together, we can help more people recognize early signs of manipulation, believe victim-survivors when they speak, and build a community where power and control do not have the final word.

For most of our 50-year history, people have pictured a very specific scenario when they hear “domestic and sexual violence”: a man harming a woman. Women are still the majority of victim-survivors we serve, and they continue to experience the most severe and ongoing patterns of abuse.

But in the last several months, our advocates have been seeing something else alongside that reality: more men are quietly stepping forward.

We can’t say with certainty why this is happening. Some of the increase may be connected to our recent name change from Womanspace to Younity, which was designed to make it clear that all victim-survivors are welcome here, including men. It may also reflect a broader cultural shift as more men begin to recognize what they are experiencing as abuse. It could also be that as Younity has strengthened our relationships with law enforcement throughout the county, police officers have become more likely to call us to assist with any case that shows signs of domestic abuse or sexual violence. Most likely, it’s a mix of many factors, including some we can’t yet see.

What we do know is that the need is real, and it is right here in Mercer County.

Our internal data confirms what staff on the front lines have been noticing.

The numbers back this up

• In the last full fiscal year, men made up 10% of all Response Teams callouts.
• In just the last five months, that number has risen to 15% of all callouts.
• Most striking: 26% of all sexual-violence callouts since July have been for men — matching the total number of male sexual-violence responses from the entire previous year.
• In the last six months, continuing a trend from last year, 33–35% of domestic-violence victim-survivors Younity has met with in municipal court, before their case has gone before the judge, have been men.

We don’t have every answer about why this shift is happening, but it is unmistakable.

Abuse has no gender

Two people who see this trend closely are Varonda Kendrick, Coordinator of Younity’s Response Teams for the entire county, and Suki Wasserman, Younity’s Interim Crisis Response Team Sexual Assault Specialist. Together, they are often the first point of contact when someone in crisis meets with Younity — at the police station, the hospital, or in court.

Both describe meeting men who arrive unsure whether what they’re experiencing “counts” as abuse. Some have been coerced into unwanted sexual activity by a current or previous partner. Others have been physically assaulted or threatened during a separation. Some are older adults harmed by adult children who depend on them. Others feel trapped in complicated family dynamics where no option feels safe.

Although men and women often experience many of the same forms of abuse — including coercion, intimidation, emotional manipulation, physical harm, and sexual violence — the way men interpret these experiences can look different. As Varonda explained, the underlying power-and-control dynamics are similar across genders, but men often hesitate to name what is happening as abuse. Many feel embarrassed, believe they should be able to “handle it themselves,” or question whether they will be taken seriously.

Suki noted that there is often surprise that men “cannot defend themselves.” She explained that if a man does not feel comfortable using physical force against another person, he may not feel comfortable using physical force to defend himself either. In these situations, a man’s strength or stature becomes irrelevant. What matters is the dynamic of fear, control, and harm — not physical capability.

Suki shared one moment that stood out to her: a man confided in her that he was surprised to learn that what happened to him was considered domestic or sexual violence. Suki gently asked, “If a man did this to a woman, would you consider it abuse?” He paused and said yes.

That shift in perspective, she explained, is common. Men can often recognize abusive behavior clearly when imagining it happening to someone else, yet struggle to extend that same clarity or compassion to themselves.

Many begin with the same questions:

“Should I really be reporting this?”
“Will anyone believe me?”
“Am I supposed to just handle this on my own?”

Suki shared that when she reassures a man, “You’re not the only person we’ve talked to about this,” she often sees immediate relief. For many, it is the first time anyone has told them that what they experienced is real, that there is no reason to feel shame, and that it matters.

Varonda often reminds people that abuse has no gender, no job title, no financial status, and no neighborhood.

“A victim is a victim,” she said. “When someone sits across from us, they’re a human being who needs help. Their money, status, or gender doesn’t protect them from abuse — and it shouldn’t keep them from asking for support.”

Why the name change matters

For years, when staff and volunteers walked into a room and introduced themselves as being from Womanspace, men often assumed, understandably, that our services weren’t meant for them.

Our new name, Younity, reflects a simple truth: anyone who is experiencing domestic and sexual violence — whatever their identity or background — can turn to us for support.

It’s too early to say the name change alone caused the increase in male callouts. But it is doing what we hoped: Opening the door wider and helping more people recognize that Younity is a place for them.

What stays the same

Recognizing male victim-survivors does not mean turning away from the reality that women are still disproportionately affected by severe, ongoing abuse. Both can be true:

• Women remain at the center of our mission, and
• Men, too, are experiencing serious harm and deserve to be heard and helped.

Our goal is not to compare experiences. It is to make sure no one is excluded from safety and support because of gender, identity, or assumptions about who “should” be a victim.

If this sounds familiar — for you or someone you love

If you are a man experiencing abuse — whether from a partner, spouse, or family member — you are not alone. Feeling embarrassed, afraid, or unsure is common. None of those feelings mean you deserve what is happening.

Younity’s 24/7 hotlines, counseling services, and Response Teams are here for anyone in Mercer County who has experienced domestic and sexual violence.

When you’re ready, reach out.
We will believe you.
We will listen.
And together, we will work toward safety.

Younity 24/7 hotline: 609-394-9000
younitynj.org/get-help

Expanding Trauma-informed Care from Hospital to Community

When someone experiences violence, the journey to safety often begins in an unexpected place — an emergency room. In those first chaotic hours, a compassionate, informed response can make all the difference between fear and hope.

That’s the vision behind Capital Health’s VICTORY program — Violence Intervention for the Community Through Outreach Recovery — a hospital-based initiative that connects victims of violence with ongoing care and community support. This fall, Younity is proud to partner with VICTORY to strengthen that continuum through a new series of trauma-informed trainings.

Under a new Memorandum of Understanding, Younity’s Crisis Response & Prevention Team will deliver a four-part training series designed to help VICTORY staff respond to survivors of domestic and sexual violence with sensitivity, accuracy, and care.

The sessions — led by Varonda N. Kendrick, Response Teams Coordinator, and Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Training Specialist — include:

• Understanding Domestic Violence – what to say (and what not to say) when someone discloses abuse, and how to make warm, safe referrals.
• Responding to Sexual Violence – recognizing the unique needs of survivors and fostering a trauma-informed environment.
• Recognizing Strangulation – identifying high-risk indicators and connecting survivors to lifesaving resources.
• The Impact of Trauma – how trauma affects the body and mind, and how compassionate care fosters safety, empowerment, and resilience.

These conversations will equip VICTORY’s outreach specialists — who meet survivors in the hospital or shortly after discharge — with the tools to offer meaningful support and link patients directly to Younity’s counseling, housing, and advocacy programs.

“We do better together,” says Kendrick. “Every time we link arms with another organization, our community grows stronger and survivors have more paths to healing.”

This collaboration marks an important step in strengthening Mercer County’s network of care. It reflects Younity’s commitment to building bridges across healthcare, social services, and community organizations — ensuring that survivors are met with compassion, understanding, and a clear path to safety, no matter where their journey begins.

Together, we are stronger than abuse.

During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the South Brunswick Commission on Women (SBCW) and Township of South Brunswick hosted their “Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence” Walk, honoring organizations and advocates dedicated to ending abuse.

Younity Outreach Specialist Felicia L. Brown represented the agency at the event, where Mayor Charles Carley issued a township proclamation recognizing Younity (formerly Womanspace) for over 45 years of service to survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

“Felicia’s words shed light on the realities survivors face and the power of community support,” said Lamia Hakim, Vice Chair of the South Brunswick Commission on Women. “Her presence helped make the event meaningful and deeply impactful for everyone who attended.”

“It was an honor to stand alongside the South Brunswick Commission on Women in raising awareness and supporting survivors,” said Brown. “Every time we come together in solidarity, we strengthen the lifeline for those who need it most.”

The event brought together local leaders, survivors, and advocates to amplify voices, share stories of resilience, and reaffirm a shared commitment to prevention, healing, and hope.

Photo1 caption: Younity Outreach Specialist Felicia L. Brown accepts a township proclamation from Mayor Charles Carley during the “Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence” event hosted by the South Brunswick Commission on Women.

Photo2 caption: Proclamation issued by the Township of South Brunswick, dated October 26, 2025, honoring Younity (formerly Womanspace) as a leader in domestic violence awareness and prevention. Signed by Mayor Charles Carley.

Younity’s Varonda N. Kendrick, Response Teams Coordinator, and Susan Victor, Chief Operating Officer, Client & Community Services, attended the Wide Awake Law Enforcement Presentation hosted by the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation (SNPF) and the Robbinsville Police Department.

The Foundation—created in memory of Stephanie Parze, a young woman from Monmouth County who tragically lost her life to domestic violence—works to support individuals and families affected by domestic violence, sexual abuse, and missing loved ones, while advancing education, prevention, and advocacy.

During the 90-minute session, SNPF President Ed Parze spoke to an engaged audience of representatives from the Robbinsville Police Department, Mercer County Prosecutor’s Office, Younity, DVRT advocates, and law enforcement professionals from West Windsor, Princeton, Hamilton, Hightstown, Ewing, and other nearby communities.

The presentation offered:

• A firsthand look at the real-life impact of domestic violence on victims and families
• Insight into how law enforcement can better identify, support, and refer victims
• Education on warning signs of escalating abuse and the critical importance of early intervention

A highlight of the event was the introduction of “Stephanie’s Sanctuary” rooms—private, trauma-informed spaces being created within police departments for victims of domestic violence. These rooms are designed to provide a calm, supportive environment where survivors can meet with advocates or officers safely and with dignity. The Robbinsville Police Department will be the first in Mercer County to open one, fully furnished by the Foundation.

“Partnerships like this bring compassion and humanity into the justice system,” said Kendrick. “When advocates and law enforcement work side by side, survivors are met with understanding from the very first moment they reach out for help.”

The event exemplified the strong collaboration between advocates and law enforcement across Mercer County—an alliance that continues to grow through Younity’s Response Teams and ongoing outreach to police, hospitals, and community partners.

As victim-survivors transition out of shelter and housing programs, they are increasingly exposed to the harsh realities of New Jersey’s housing crisis, made worse by growing instability in government funding that supports critical services. At the same time, they face significant and often overlooked barriers in the legal system—especially as the wealth gap continues to widen. Advocates across New Jersey are sounding the alarm about disparities in both family and criminal court, where many victim-survivors—particularly those who don’t qualify as low-income yet cannot afford private counsel—are left at a severe disadvantage. The loss of federal and state funding for organizations like Central Jersey Legal Services only deepens the crisis, limiting the availability of legal aid at a time when demand is rapidly increasing.

As Janet Ginest, Vice President of Transitional Housing at Younity, explained, equitable access to justice shouldn’t depend on whether you can afford a private attorney. But too often, that’s exactly what it comes down to. “If the other party has a lawyer and you don’t,” she said, “your chances of a fair outcome drop dramatically.”

These aren’t minor setbacks—they’re life-altering. Victim-survivors may lose the right to see their children, forfeit child support, or fail to secure criminal convictions due to technical missteps, not lack of merit.

The legal system can be a daunting place for victim-survivors, especially those navigating it without full representation. Whether in family or criminal court, the consequences of going it alone can be devastating.

In family court, even the absence of allegations isn’t enough to ensure fairness. One Younity client, a mother to two children, working with a law school program funded by the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA), lost custody—not because she was accused of anything, but while facing her former spouse’s experienced private attorney without comparable representation. “There wasn’t even an accusation,” said Janet. While a law school clinic technically represented her, the attorneys assigned to her case were recent law school graduates still seeking permanent employment. Due to high turnover and heavy demands placed on the clinic, she cycled through four different lawyers in just nine months. The lack of continuity and representation by an attorney with deep familiarity with her case left her at a severe disadvantage. Law clinics can, and do, provide important aid to victim-survivors. But their capacity is limited. Her chances of retaining custody—or even shared custody—would have been significantly higher with more consistent and adequate representation. This is not equitable access to legal justice.

In criminal court, even strong cases can fall apart without proper representation. One victim-survivor tried to press harassment charges against her abuser. Her case was handled by a public prosecutor, and the defendant was represented by a private attorney. The judge never saw the binder of evidence she had carefully compiled because her public defender at the time never reviewed it. With a Younity advocate present, she later requested a different prosecutor—one who did review the binder and recognize its importance. But by then, it was too late. As the defendant’s attorney pointed out to the judge, “The deadline for submitting evidence passed months ago.” Her stalking and harassment charges were dismissed—not for lack of proof, but because the materials were never officially entered into the record.

There are many public defenders and prosecutors who are deeply committed to their work. However, caseloads are high. It’s rare that victim-survivors have more than a few minutes to speak with their public defender before court, and even rarer that they can discuss strategy in advance. That kind of limited access makes it nearly impossible to build a strong case.

Another victim-survivor, represented by a public defender, pleaded guilty to a charge based on inaccurate legal advice. That conviction—non-expungable—ultimately barred her from employment in the very field where she had the most experience. Had she been given the right information, she may have made a different decision. Without full access to reliable legal guidance, the consequences can be life-altering.

In a separate case, a victim-survivor had a charge that was eventually eligible for expungement—but she wasn’t given the correct legal information up front. After completing a job training program, she was ready to turn over a new leaf and begin a new career. But the unresolved charge blocked her from being hired. While staying in Younity’s transitional housing program, she was unable to save enough to replace her aging car—and without reliable transportation, her ability to maintain employment and housing after leaving the program was at risk. When she finally received the proper legal guidance on how to reapply for expungement, her request was delayed due to a massive court backlog. It wasn’t until she appeared in person with a Younity advocate that her case was finally reviewed.

“People think it’s as simple as, ‘Oh, you can go to a legal aid clinic or represent yourself,’” Janet said. “But court—whether it’s criminal, municipal, or otherwise—has its own rules, its own culture. If you don’t know the process, if you don’t even know what your options are, you can’t fight effectively. When victim-survivors don’t have the same level of support and access to legal representation as the other party, the playing field isn’t level—and the outcomes reflect that.”

While some pro bono assistance is available in New Jersey, most attorneys limit their free legal work to matters that require only a few hours. They rarely take on complex, time-intensive family law cases, leaving many victim-survivors without meaningful legal support.

---

Building Toward Solutions

What would it take to close this gap? In New Jersey, some proposed solutions—such as court-appointed attorneys in specific custody cases—have been tried and failed. But the need persists, and so does the push for progress.

“Personally, I believe New Jersey needs a dedicated line item in the state budget to fund legal representation for victim-survivors,” Janet said. “There could be clear guidelines for qualifying cases—like custody disputes where one party has an attorney and the other does not—and a sliding fee scale with a higher income and asset cap than what programs like Central Jersey Legal Services are currently permitted to use under their grant restrictions. Their staff is committed and would gladly serve more clients if the funding allowed it.”

“Just because something is a big ask doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting for,” Janet said. “These are people’s lives. These are their children’s futures.”

Rather than proposing unrealistic mandates, advocates are exploring how to deepen and direct pro bono legal support more strategically. But real change will require collaboration—between legal professionals, nonprofit agencies, survivors, and community leaders. Some ideas gaining traction include:

• Increasing funding for legal clinics and expanding staff capacity to take on complex, time-intensive matters such as child custody and alimony
• Offering incentives—such as training, support, or professional recognition—for attorneys who accept challenging pro bono cases

Community organizations also have a powerful role to play in this shared effort. By working together, they can:

• Create a shared database of client stories that highlight systemic barriers to equitable legal access
• Encourage staff to document anonymized case examples that reveal patterns of injustice
• Partner with advocacy groups like the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence (NJCEDV) to compile and present compelling evidence
• Host joint forums where survivors can safely share their experiences
• Develop coordinated strategies that use real-world narratives to influence policy
• Train staff in ethical story collection and consent protocols
• Present these stories directly to legislators to drive change

The key is to build a collective, evidence-based approach centered on victim-survivors’ lived experiences—while protecting their dignity and safety. Only then can policy begin to reflect the real-world complexity of what victim-survivors face.

Advocacy groups like NJCEDV are already gathering evidence to build a case for systemic change. “We’re not going to fix this overnight,” Janet said. “But stories matter. When you hear someone say they lost custody—or even shared custody—because they couldn’t afford consistent legal representation, it’s not abstract anymore. It’s real. It’s devastating. And it motivates people to act.”

Organizations like Younity are committed to being part of that statewide movement—collecting stories (with consent), raising awareness, and working alongside others to ensure victim-survivors aren’t forced to face the legal system alone. In the past year alone, Younity court advocates supported 1,249 survivors navigating municipal and family courts—offering critical guidance in moments that often determine a person’s safety, custody, or long-term stability.

“Working in transitional housing allows me to witness the long-term outcomes,” Janet said. “Losing child visitation, failing to obtain protection without legal help, or struggling to find work all have impacts that go beyond the courtroom. It echoes through every part of their life. That’s what keeps me fighting. That’s why we can’t stop pushing for change.”

Because when we work together—sharing stories, sharing power, and demanding better—we are stronger than abuse.

Younity is proud to announce two new grants that will enhance our Transitional Housing Program and directly support victim-survivors of domestic violence as they rebuild their lives.

The James Kerney Foundation has awarded a $25,000 grant to support critical repairs and upgrades in two transitional housing units. Safe housing is more than a roof over one’s head—it’s a foundation for healing. By investing in essential renovations such as plumbing, cabinetry, and kitchen improvements, this grant helps ensure that every apartment reflects the dignity, comfort, and safety every survivor deserves. When families arrive at our doors after escaping violence, the condition of their temporary home matters. These improvements will allow us to provide a more welcoming, functional space where victim-survivors can stabilize, care for their children, and begin the next chapter in their lives with hope.

In the grant award letter, Jim Kerney, President of the James Kerney Foundation, wrote, “You do a wonderful job in our city and county, making a difference in the lives of so many.”

Meanwhile, Holman Automotive has awarded a $34,500 two-year grant through the Community Foundation of South Jersey to support Next Step, a critical six-month stabilization phase of our Transitional Housing Program. Through Next Step, survivors receive rent-free housing, wraparound services, and matched savings to support their move toward independence. Individualized case management, trauma-informed counseling, parenting support, financial literacy coaching, and job readiness services ensure that each participant has the tools they need to rebuild—not just survive, but thrive.

“These grants are more than funding,” said Nathalie S. Nelson, President and CEO of Younity. “They are a promise to the individuals and families we serve that they are not alone. When our community invests in safe housing and support services, it empowers victim-survivors to reclaim their lives with dignity and strength.”

These grants arrive at a pivotal time. With federal funding for victim services facing potential cuts, private investment is more important than ever. Grants like these help bridge funding gaps, expand access to safe housing, and preserve the infrastructure needed to deliver trauma-informed care. With more than 90% of program graduates transitioning to permanent housing, Younity’s model works—and with community support, we can continue to provide a path forward for those escaping abuse.

Together, we are building more than homes. We are building safety, dignity, and the possibility of a new beginning.

What happens when you hand teens the mic and trust them to lead conversations about dating, boundaries, and respect? At Lawrence High School, you get a powerful, peer-led movement that’s shifting school culture—and preparing students for life beyond graduation.

Younity’s Peer Educator Program, led by Prevention & Community Educator Grace Flagler and Counselor Advocate Heather Horvath, MA, LPC, gives high school students the tools and training to become campus leaders in violence prevention. What began as a small, informal virtual committee during the pandemic has evolved into a structured, high-impact program rooted in education, connection, and advocacy.

Last year’s cohort of eight peer educators at Lawrence High School launched projects that reached hundreds of their classmates. From designing affirming posters for Women’s History Month to presenting at Planned Parenthood’s “Spill the Tea” program, their initiatives were creative, inclusive, and entirely student-driven.  But one initiative, the Purple Out, was especially memorable.

Held during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, the Purple Out transformed a Friday night football game into a powerful show of solidarity. Several weeks prior to that night, peer educators gave a presentation to the football team, explaining why they were asking them to wear purple. The players responded enthusiastically, donning purple gear alongside a sea of purple in the stands. “It was such a visible, community-based way to raise awareness,” Grace said. “And it worked.”

The impact was immediate. Other fall sports teams—such as tennis and soccer—began asking why they hadn’t been included. “Why didn’t we get a Purple Out?” they asked. This year, peer educators plan to expand the event to the entire school. “It’s a perfect example of how a simple, student-led action can ripple outward,” said Heather. “It opened up space for more conversations.”

That peer-to-peer dynamic is the heart of the program—and it’s what makes it so effective. Teens are more likely to hear and internalize difficult messages when they come from someone who understands their world. “High school students are more likely to listen to their friends than adults,” Heather explained. “Our peer educators understand the culture of their school in a way we simply can’t.”

Each school has its own social climate, language, and unwritten rules. Peer educators are uniquely positioned to navigate these realities and speak in a way that feels authentic to their classmates. “They know what they can and can’t say, and how to say it,” Grace explained. “They know what the administration is likely to allow, they know what’s already working, and they know what kind of messaging their peers will actually hear. That cultural fluency is something no adult can replicate.” Grace emphasized that the goal isn’t to impose an external agenda, but to collaborate with schools in ways that respect and reflect their existing culture. “We’re not coming in to tell schools what to do—we’re here to listen, adapt, and support what works for their students, their values, and their environment,” she said.

This age group is especially important. Most teens begin forming romantic relationships in high school, often with little guidance on what constitutes healthy or safe relationships. Early experiences with dating, boundaries, and peer pressure can have lasting effects. By reaching students before they head off to college or enter the workforce, the program provides them with essential tools to navigate relationships, advocate for themselves and others, and lay the foundation for a future free from abuse.

Peer educators undergo thorough and developmentally appropriate training. During summer sessions, students learn the basics of domestic and sexual violence, consent, boundaries, power and control, and how to recognize red flags in unhealthy relationships. They learn to spot early warning signs—like jealousy, possessiveness, isolation from friends, manipulation, and pressure around sex. They’re also taught how to support someone experiencing abuse and what to say as a bystander, such as: “I’m here for you,” or “That doesn’t sound healthy—have you thought about talking to someone?” They’re trained not to act as counselors or fixers, but to listen without judgment and help their peers connect to trusted adults and support services.

The group even created and led a bystander intervention presentation, offering classmates practical strategies for what to do if they witness something concerning. “They talked about how to interrupt safely, how to check in with someone afterward, and how to offer help without pressure,” said Heather. “It was smart, realistic, and teen-driven.”

Peer educators are also introduced to the full scope of Younity’s services and taught how to use inclusive language and consider diverse cultural perspectives so everyone feels seen and safe. They engage in role plays, brainstorm outreach strategies, and shape their school’s approach to awareness and prevention.

Returning peer educators are invited to help train the incoming group, deepening their own knowledge and leadership skills. “We’re not just handing them a script,” Grace said. “We’re equipping them to lead conversations, create presentations, and respond thoughtfully to what their peers are experiencing.”

As a result, students at Lawrence are now engaging more openly in conversations about boundaries and healthy relationships. While formal outcome data is forthcoming, the shift in tone is already apparent. “Our peer educators aren’t just talking about these topics,” Grace said. “They’re prioritizing them.”

One particularly powerful moment came during the group’s end-of-year celebration. “They all called it a sisterhood,” Grace recalled. “Watching them support each other and create a safe space for dialogue—it was emotional. That sense of community is just as important as the education itself.”

The benefits extend well beyond high school. Presenting at community events and discussing Title IX rights helps teens develop leadership and public speaking skills that prepare them for college life. They also learn about the changes in college relationships—such as greater independence, parties, alcohol, and less parental oversight—and how to protect themselves while respecting others. “We’re teaching them to recognize red flags early, not only for themselves but for their friends too,” Grace said. “It’s about prevention, but it’s also about empowerment.”

Looking ahead, the goal is twofold: deepen the program’s presence at Lawrence and bring it to other schools across Mercer County. But that expansion requires champions—students, teachers, or administrators who believe in prevention and want to bring it to their school.

And while current participants earn community service hours and college recommendation letters, Younity hopes to secure funding for student stipends in the future. “They deserve to be compensated for their time,” Heather noted. “They’re doing real work.”

At its core, the Peer Educator Program is about shifting culture and reducing harm before it happens, one conversation at a time. But it’s also deeply personal for the educators leading it.

For Heather, the work hits close to home. “When I was in high school, I experienced dating violence,” she shared. “That’s why I chose to become a counselor—so I could be there for students, listen to them, and create a safe space. This is a tough culture to grow up in. Teens need someone who sees them and supports them.”

Grace, too, is driven by a profound belief in the potential of young people. “Teenagers are vastly underestimated when it comes to the kind of change they can make,” she said. “Our peer educators are passionate, insightful, and deeply committed. They make this work feel hopeful. They’re not just the future—they’re shaping the present.”

Want to bring the Peer Educator Program to your school?
Younity is actively looking to expand. If you’re a school administrator, counselor, or educator interested in equipping students with tools to lead conversations about healthy relationships, boundaries, and respect, we’d love to partner with you.

Are you a student who wants to make a difference?
You don’t have to wait to be asked. If you’re passionate about creating a safer, more supportive school environment, your voice is powerful. Talk to a trusted teacher or counselor and encourage them to connect with us, or reach out to us directly. We’ll support you every step of the way.

To learn more or explore bringing the program to your school, contact Grace Flagler at education@younitynj.org.

By empowering young people to lead the conversation, we’re not just addressing violence—we’re preventing it. Together, we are stronger than abuse.