Category: News

More than 280 supporters, community leaders, advocates, volunteers, and friends gathered on May 28 at Trenton Country Club for Younity’s 30th Annual Awards Dinner, an evening that celebrated resilience, honored extraordinary changemakers, and raised critical support for survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

Together, guests contributed more than $53,800 through the evening’s Fund-a-Need appeal, silent auction and raffle, helping ensure that survivors and their families can continue to access safety, counseling, advocacy, housing, and support when they need it most.

As Younity prepares to celebrate its 50th anniversary next year, the evening served as both a reflection on how far the organization has come and a reminder of the work that still lies ahead.

Throughout the night, a common theme emerged from speakers, honorees, and community partners alike: healing begins when people show up for one another.

In her remarks, Younity CEO and President Nathalie S. Nelson reflected on the organization’s roots and the enduring legacy of founder Barbara Boggs Sigmund.

“Community is not just a nice idea,” Nelson said. “It is what helps people survive, heal, and rebuild.”

That spirit of community was reflected in this year’s honorees.

The Barbara Boggs Sigmund Award was presented to PBS News Hour journalist Amna Nawaz, whose reporting has helped elevate conversations around violence, justice, and the experiences of survivors. In accepting the award, Nawaz reflected on the many painful realities that too often do not make sense. Then she pointed to what does.

“What does make sense,” Nawaz said, “is the people who show up when you need them to show up, who step up when the need is there, who see and live the pain and then turn it into purpose.”

The Edwin W. Schmierer Award for Outstanding Volunteer Service was presented to Tina Karkera, a dedicated Younity advocate whose work places her alongside survivors during some of the most difficult moments of their lives. Karkera described advocacy not as heroism, but as the simple act of showing up.

“When Younity’s advocates see a survivor, we ask just one question: What do you need?”

She compared the role of an advocate to carrying a small candle into a dark tunnel, offering hope and support until a survivor can begin to see a path forward.

The Younity Award for Outstanding Community Partner was presented to the Trenton Community Street Team, recognized for their commitment to violence prevention, community engagement, and supporting residents throughout the City of Trenton. Accepting the award on behalf of the organization, Director Perry Shaw emphasized the importance of meeting people where they are and helping them discover their own path forward.

“We don’t do things for them,” Shaw said. “We do things with them.”

The evening also included remarks from survivor Risa, who shared her journey of rebuilding safety and stability for herself and her children after experiencing domestic violence. (Read her full story here.)

“Younity helped me and gave me a voice,” she told guests.

Through counseling, advocacy, housing support, and other services, Risa found the tools and confidence to move forward. Speaking about the future she is building for herself and her children, she shared, “I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on the way,” a statement that drew applause from the audience and served as a powerful reminder that healing is possible.

Assemblywoman Verlina Reynolds-Jackson led the evening’s Fund-a-Need appeal, inspiring guests to invest directly in services that provide safety, healing, and hope for survivors and their families.

The success of the evening was made possible by the generosity of sponsors, donors, volunteers, board members, staff, community partners, and everyone who chose to stand with survivors.

Last year alone, Younity answered 8,430 hotline calls from survivors seeking safety, guidance, and hope. Trained advocates responded to 566 survivors in hospitals, police departments, and other moments of crisis, while counselors provided services to 401 survivors and housing programs helped 333 adults and children find safety. Despite a 10 percent increase in demand for services, Younity continued to stand beside survivors when they needed support most. As Nelson reminded guests during the evening, “Behind every number is a person, a family, and a story.”

As the organization looks toward its 50th anniversary in 2026, Younity remains committed to the mission that has guided its work for nearly five decades: ensuring that no survivor faces abuse alone.

Together, we are stronger than abuse.

A new class of advocates is ready to step forward, trained to respond in moments when support matters most.

This past weekend, Younity’s Response Teams welcomed 16 newly trained advocates at a graduation ceremony attended by staff, partners, and proud family members. The group completed an intensive seven-week training, dedicating 64 hours to preparing for the realities of advocacy work.

Under the leadership of Response Teams Coordinator Varonda Kendrick, the training goes far beyond the classroom. Participants visit police departments across Mercer County, including each local station and campus departments at TCNJ and Princeton, gaining firsthand experience of where and how they may be called to respond. Saturday sessions are held at different police departments each week, including Trenton, East Windsor, and Lawrence, with graduation taking place at the Ewing Police Department.

“We make sure advocates understand what to expect from the moment they arrive, including where to go, how to navigate the space, and how to begin that first conversation,” Varonda shared. “That level of preparation helps them feel confident before they ever receive their first call.”

That preparation is already making an impact. Within days of graduating, several new advocates had responded to calls, offering support to individuals navigating dangerous and deeply personal situations.

“It’s powerful to see them step into the work so quickly,” Varonda said. “They’re ready. And more importantly, they understand what it means to truly be present for someone.”

A highlight of the ceremony was a keynote from Maureen Spataro of the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation, who spoke from her experience as a victim-survivor and addressed the new advocates directly about the importance of their role.

“She told them, ‘You’re heroes,’” Varonda shared. “She talked about what it would have meant to have someone like them by her side. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken six times to leave. Maybe it would have taken two. That stayed with all of us.”

Graduates received their certificates from Nathalie S. Nelson, CEO and President of Younity, and Lt. Alexis Durlacher of the Trenton Police Department, highlighting the strong partnership between Younity and local law enforcement.

“These advocates represent the heart of our mission,” said Nathalie S. Nelson. “They are stepping forward with compassion, courage, and a willingness to meet people in some of the most difficult moments of their lives. That kind of commitment strengthens our entire community.”

The ceremony also gave families a deeper understanding of the work ahead. Because advocates are bound by confidentiality, they cannot share details of what they experience on calls. Instead, families were encouraged to support in quieter, meaningful ways.

“They may come home and need a moment to process,” Varonda said. “Support can look like a hug or simply giving them space, understanding they’ve just returned from a difficult call.”

The group reflects a wide range of motivations. Some are retirees looking to give back to their community. Others are young adults determined to create change. Many are victim-survivors themselves, choosing to transform their experiences into support for others.

Despite their different backgrounds, a strong sense of connection forms quickly.

“They become a team,” Varonda said. “People who might never have crossed paths come together, support each other, and build something meaningful.”

That sense of purpose is reinforced throughout the training, particularly during sessions that challenge participants to set aside personal assumptions and focus fully on the needs of those they serve.

“It’s not about us,” Varonda emphasized. “It’s about meeting people where they are and responding with empathy, respect, and care.”

Advocates are taught that the goal is not to have all the answers, but to listen and connect in meaningful ways.

“Our role is to make sure the person in front of us feels seen, heard, and supported,” she said. “That connection is what matters most.”

With this graduating class, Younity’s Response Teams now includes 61 trained advocates. Even so, the need continues. The team operates 24/7, 365 days a year, ensuring every call for help receives a response.

In 2025, Younity experienced a 10 percent increase in requests for services, underscoring the growing demand for support across the community.

“Our priority is making sure that every time the phone rings, someone is there,” Varonda said.

As the demand for services grows, planning is already underway for next year’s advocate training.

“There’s always a need for more people who are willing to show up,” Varonda shared.

For her, the most meaningful part of the work is watching that transformation happen in real time.

“Watching advocates reach that moment of understanding,” she said. “When they recognize the impact they can have, that’s everything.”

As this new class of advocates steps forward, they join a dedicated network committed to showing up in the moments that matter most.

And in those moments, one thing is clear: no one has to face them alone.

As the need for support continues to grow, so does the need for advocates willing to step forward. If you are interested in becoming part of Younity’s Response Teams, you can add your name to the waitlist for Spring 2027 Training by contacting Varonda Kendrick at varonda@younitynj.org

Challenging Harmful Misconceptions with Facts

“When we focus on the truth instead of repeating the myths, we create space for people to finally understand what really happened to them,” says Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Training Specialist at Younity.

Sexual violence is surrounded by misinformation. Over time, those misunderstandings can shape how communities respond, how systems function, and how victim-survivors see themselves.

During Sexual Assault Awareness Month, we are focusing on facts — because understanding what research tells us helps reduce stigma, challenge long-held misconceptions, and ensure that victim-survivors receive the support they deserve.

Here is what everyone should know:

Most Sexual Assault Is Committed by Someone Known to the Victim-Survivor

More than 80% of sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance, partner, family member, or someone within the victim-survivor’s social circle.

Sexual violence is rarely a stranger jumping out of the bushes. It often happens in familiar spaces — homes, dorm rooms, social gatherings — which can make reporting feel complicated and even unsafe.

When the person who caused harm is part of your family, friend group, school, or workplace, coming forward can feel like risking everything. Because of this reality, disclosure can feel especially unsafe.

When the Person Who Harmed You Is Someone You Know, Disclosure Can Feel Unsafe

For many victim-survivors, disclosure can feel complicated and even dangerous.

Victim-survivors may fear being blamed, losing relationships, facing retaliation, or being isolated by family or peers. In some cases, the person who caused harm holds social power, authority, or influence, which can increase the pressure to stay silent.

This is one reason many victim-survivors delay reporting — or choose not to report at all.

The Vast Majority of Victim-Survivors Tell the Truth

Research consistently shows that false reports are rare. Studies place the rate of false reporting between approximately 2–8%, meaning that more than 90% — and in many analyses, more than 97% — of reports are truthful.

Local prosecutors estimate the truthfulness rate even higher.

When someone shares that they have been sexually assaulted, the most statistically accurate response is to believe them.

Sexual Assault Is About Power and Control, Not Desire

Sex is consensual and mutual. Sexual assault is not.

Sexual violence is about power, control, coercion, and entitlement. It can occur in any type of relationship, including relationships where consensual sex has happened before.

Consent must be present every time. Past intimacy does not equal future permission.

Giving in out of fear, pressure, intimidation, or emotional manipulation is not consent.

Freezing Is a Common Trauma Response

When someone experiences a sexual attack, their brain shifts into survival mode. The nervous system may trigger fight, flight, or freeze.

Many victim-survivors freeze.

Freezing is not agreement. It is not permission. It is a protective biological response seen across species when someone feels overwhelmed or endangered.

This trauma response can also affect how memories are stored. Core details of the assault are often clear, but peripheral details — such as the color of walls or the sequence of minor events — may not be. This does not mean the assault did not happen. It reflects how the brain prioritizes survival.

Lack of Physical Injury Does Not Mean Lack of Harm

Not all sexual assaults leave visible injuries.

A person may have no bruises, no torn clothing, and no outward signs of struggle. That does not diminish the emotional, psychological, or physical trauma experienced.

Sexual violence can cause profound and lasting harm, even when it is not immediately visible.

Men and Boys Experience Sexual Violence Too

While women and girls experience sexual violence at higher rates, men and boys are also affected.

Research estimates that approximately one in six men will experience sexual violence in their lifetime.

Many male victim-survivors delay disclosure for years because they were never given language or permission to talk about what happened. Others fear stigma, shame, or not being believed.

Support is available for everyone, regardless of gender.

Convictions Are Rare

Sexual assault cases are among the most difficult to prosecute. Conviction rates are often below 10%.

The legal process can feel overwhelming and retraumatizing. This reality sometimes discourages victim-survivors from pursuing criminal charges.

This is one reason having an advocate in your corner can make such a critical difference.

Support Is Available: You Do Not Have to Go Through This Alone

Younity provides free, confidential services for anyone impacted by sexual violence.

Our services include:

• 24/7 hotline support
• Hospital accompaniment by a trained advocate
• Support at the police station, if reporting is chosen
• Ongoing counseling services
• Safety planning
• Assistance navigating protection orders

For individuals assaulted by someone who is not a domestic partner, New Jersey offers protection under the Victim’s Assistance and Survivor Protection Act (VASPA). This civil restraining order process can prohibit contact, harassment, stalking, or intimidation without requiring a criminal charge.

You can also:

• Receive a forensic exam within seven days, even if you are unsure about reporting
• Access medication to prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections
• Speak with an advocate before deciding next steps

There is no statute of limitations on sexual assault in New Jersey.

Whether the assault happened recently or years ago, support is available.

It Was Never Your Fault

Victim-survivors often carry self-blame for years.

“You can almost see the shift when someone realizes it was never their fault,” says Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Training Specialist at Younity. “Facts matter — because they help undo years of silence and self-blame.”

Sexual violence is always the responsibility of the person who chooses to cause harm.

Clothing does not cause assault. Flirting does not cause assault. Drinking does not cause assault. Being in a relationship does not cause assault.

If consent was not freely given, it was not consensual.

If you or someone you know needs support,
call Younity’s 24/7 hotline.

You deserve to be believed.
You deserve to feel safe.
You deserve support.

Rita Lavender’s official last day at Younity was Friday.

But when coverage was needed at the Safe House over the weekend, Rita stepped in.

Because that’s who she is.

After more than four decades of extraordinary dedication, Rita Lavender is retiring from Younity’s Emergency Services team — though her instinct to make sure survivors and staff are supported clearly hasn’t changed.

For years, Rita has been a steady presence at the Safe House, stepping in whenever coverage was needed, ensuring there were no gaps in care, and creating continuity for survivors and staff alike. During the pandemic and in the years that followed, when staffing challenges were especially difficult, Rita showed up time and time again.

At Rita’s retirement celebration, colleagues reflected on the quiet but powerful role she has played in the organization for more than four decades.

President and CEO Nathalie S. Nelson described Rita as someone whose reliability became part of the organization’s foundation.

“After more than four decades of service, Rita, you’re not just a staff member who is retiring. You are part of the foundation of this agency,” Nathalie said. “You have been through different chapters, different leaders, and so many changes. Through it all, one thing has always remained consistent — you always show up.”

Nathalie reflected that Rita was often the first person the team called when something unexpected happened.

“She’s the person we call when we need coverage. She’s the person we call when something unexpected happens. She’s the person who steps in when a shift needs to be filled or when a client needs extra compassion,” she said. “Even when we tell her not to worry about it, somehow she still finds a way to show up.”

That commitment extended through difficult moments in Rita’s own life as well. Nathalie noted that even while experiencing profound personal loss — including the loss of her husband and sister — Rita continued to show up for the work and for the people around her.

“The kind of care she brings cannot be taught,” Nathalie said. “It comes from the heart.”

Reflecting on Rita’s legacy, Nathalie added, “Her impact is woven into the fabric of Younity and will remain long after her final shift.”

Susan Victor, Chief Operating Officer of Client & Community Services, echoed those sentiments, describing Rita as someone who embodies the very best of the profession.

“In life you come across extraordinary people who take your breath away and make you say, ‘I want to be like her,’” Susan said. “Rita is one such person.”

Susan reflected on Rita’s joy for the work and the way her presence lifts those around her.

“It is not just that she has been part of Younity for over 40 years, but that for all that time she has thrown herself joyfully into the work — and that joy shows,” Susan said. “Rita’s love for her family, her colleagues, and the people we serve spills over into a huge zest for life that makes her wonderful to be around.”

Susan also noted that Rita has always had a remarkable ability to notice what needs to be done and quietly step in to make sure it happens.

“She creates a seamless bridge so there are no disruptions or gaps in service,” she said.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, when staffing shortages created enormous challenges for programs like the Safe House, Rita repeatedly stepped in to ensure survivors continued receiving care.

“For 40 years, Rita has given so much to this work,” Susan said. “Thank you does not seem sufficient.”

Crystal Guerard, Director of Client Services, who works closely with the Safe House team, reflected on the many lives Rita has touched over the years — from colleagues to the victim-survivors and families who found safety through Younity’s programs.

She also spoke about a phrase many staff members associate with Rita.

“Rita is known for saying, ‘It will all work out,’” Crystal said. “While the rest of us might be stressed, Rita stays calm. And somehow, it does work out — because Rita has a way of stepping in, stepping up, and making sure it does.”

Crystal described Rita’s calm presence, compassion, and unwavering support as anchors for the team through difficult moments.

Reyna Carothers, Housing Navigator, who worked alongside Rita for 30 of those years, spoke about the reassurance Rita brought to the Emergency Services program.

“You have always been that consistency that provided this entire program what it needed,” Reyna said.

When difficult situations arose, Reyna recalled, Rita often offered a simple reassurance.

“She would say, ‘It’s going to work out,’” Reyna said. “And usually that meant she had already stepped in herself to make sure it did.”

Reyna reflected that Rita’s humility, kindness, and steady presence helped shape the culture of the program.

“You have always placed the needs of others before your own,” she said. “The care you have shown, the standards you have set, and the example you have modeled have influenced not only our work, but the lives of those around you.”

When it was Rita’s turn to speak, she reflected on the path that led her to spend more than four decades with the organization.

Rita first joined the agency in 1984 while pursuing her master’s degree. Although she initially hoped to be hired as a full-time counselor, she began in a part-time role and quickly found herself drawn to the work and the people around her.

Over the years, it was the mission — and the relationships built along the way — that kept her here.

“I love the work that I do,” she says, “Because when you give back, you feel good. When you know you’re making a difference in someone’s life, it makes you want to continue.”

Rita spoke about the connections she formed with colleagues over the years and the shared commitment that has guided the organization’s work.

“Everyone has always shown love and support,” she said. “And everyone has always cared deeply about the mission.”

Rita’s work cannot be measured only in years or shifts covered. It lives in the survivors who found safety, in the colleagues who relied on her steadiness, and in the culture of care she helped create and sustain.

Her legacy will continue in the lives she touched and in the quiet example she set for all of us.

Teen dating violence rarely begins with a bruise.

More often, it starts quietly; a relationship that feels intense, consuming, even romantic at first. A partner who wants constant contact. Who expects passwords “to build trust,” or needs to know where you are at all times through location sharing and social media. Over time, what once felt like attention can become pressure. The relationship narrows. Support systems fade. And control takes root.

That reality was at the center of a recent virtual community conversation hosted by the National Coalition of 100 Black Women, Southern New Jersey Chapter, featuring panelists from Younity and the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence. The discussion offered an urgent reminder during Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month: Abuse doesn’t always look dramatic. But its impact can be profound.

Dating abuse is about power and control, not “drama”

One of the most important clarifications shared during the panel came from Susan Victor, Chief Operating Officer, Client & Community Services of Younity, who emphasized that abuse is not defined by a single argument or incident.

“Domestic violence isn’t about a single incident or a bad argument,” Victor explained. “What we listen for is a pattern, one person seeking power and control over another, using fear and intimidation to get it.”

That distinction matters, especially for teens. Dating abuse is often dismissed as immaturity, jealousy, or relationship “drama.” But Younity advocates look for something deeper: repeated behaviors that diminish someone, make them feel afraid, or cause them to change who they are to keep the peace.

And those behaviors don’t have to be physical. Emotional manipulation, humiliation, isolation, threats, and digital monitoring are all ways power and control can take shape, particularly in teen relationships where constant connectivity is normalized.

When the digital world makes control feel normal

Younity’s Prevention & Community Educator Grace Flagler noted that today’s teens are often fluent in the language of healthy relationships. They can identify red flags in theory. They understand consent. They know how they should support a friend.

But real life is messier.

Social media and technology create constant access to one another, and that access can blur boundaries. Location sharing may feel routine. Password sharing may be framed as “trust.” Monitoring can be mistaken for care.

For teens still learning what healthy independence looks like, those dynamics can make controlling behavior feel normal, or even expected.

When dating abuse spills into school and friendships

For teens, dating abuse rarely stays contained within the relationship itself. When a relationship becomes unhealthy or ends, the impact often ripples through friend groups, classrooms, and social spaces. Teens may feel pressure to choose sides, stay silent, or protect group harmony even when something feels wrong. Fear of being labeled “dramatic,” losing friends, or becoming the focus of rumors can keep young people quiet long after a relationship has become unsafe.

Breakups can also make abuse harder to recognize. A partner’s controlling behavior may continue socially after a relationship ends through constant messaging, monitoring, spreading rumors, or showing up unexpectedly at school or group activities. When these behaviors are minimized as “teen drama,” the harm can be overlooked, leaving young people feeling isolated and unsupported at a moment when connection matters most.

Creating safer school and social environments means taking these dynamics seriously. When teens know they will be believed, supported, and not blamed for the social consequences of speaking up, they are more likely to ask for help and less likely to face abuse alone

Why people don’t “just leave”

A powerful theme throughout the conversation was why leaving an abusive relationship — especially for teens — is rarely simple.

Varonda Kendrick, who supervises Younity’s 24/7 response teams, spoke candidly about what advocates see during moments of crisis.

“Most people don’t leave because they don’t understand what’s happening,” Kendrick said. “They stay because they’re trying to survive it, and because judgment from others can make it even harder to ask for help.”

Survivors often carry love, fear, hope, and shame at the same time. Many are reluctant to share the full story, worried about being blamed or about the consequences for their partner. Judgment. even when well-intentioned, can push someone further into isolation, which is exactly what abusive partners rely on.

That’s why advocates emphasize support over pressure and listening over advice.

The law can help, but it doesn’t capture everything

Panelist Denise Higgins, Esq., Legal Director at the New Jersey Coalition to End Domestic Violence, explained that while legal protections like restraining orders are critical, they require specific criteria that don’t always reflect the full lived experience of abuse.

Legal definitions can be narrower than the patterns advocates recognize, especially when abuse is primarily emotional, psychological, or digital. This gap is one reason advocacy, documentation, and safety planning are so important, particularly for young people who may not recognize their experiences as abuse yet.

Safety planning isn’t only about leaving

Another key takeaway from the panel was the importance of safety planning, especially for those who are not ready or able to leave a relationship.

Safety planning is survivor-led and adaptable. It can include steps related to digital privacy, trusted adults, school routines, transportation, or future goals. It’s not about forcing decisions; it’s about restoring choice and control.

Advocates work alongside victim-survivors to explore options at their own pace, recognizing that readiness looks different for everyone.

Healing happens in small, powerful steps

Healing after teen dating abuse or domestic and sexual violence is not linear. It can be quiet and incremental. Sometimes it begins with asking for help. Sometimes it looks like rebuilding confidence, reconnecting with friends, or simply being believed.

As Victor shared during the panel, healing is often found in the accumulation of small victories:

“Survivors inspire us not because they do something extraordinary all at once, but because of the small steps they take toward safety and reclaiming their lives.”

Those steps matter, and they deserve support.

If you’re worried about a teen you love

Panelists offered consistent guidance for parents, caregivers, educators, and friends:

• Start gently: “I’ve noticed you seem different. Are you okay?”
• Avoid ultimatums or interrogation
• Don’t criticize or insult the partner, even if your loved one does
• Reinforce worth and safety: “You deserve respect and care.”
• Be patient; leaving can be a process
• Offer resources and confidentiality

Above all, stay connected. Abuse thrives in isolation. Support thrives in steady, nonjudgmental relationships.

Help is available

If you or someone you care about is experiencing teen dating abuse, stalking, or domestic and sexual violence, confidential help is available. Advocacy, counseling, and education can help people make sense of what’s happening and take their next step toward safety — when they’re ready.

Younity 24/7 Hotline:
609-394-9000.

Statewide 24/7 Hotline:
800.572.SAFE (7233)

All services are confidential and free

Strangulation is increasingly showing up in teen and young adult dating relationships, and the rise is deeply concerning.

Often referred to by teens as “choking,” the behavior is frequently framed online and in popular media as normal, consensual, or even desirable. Some teens and young adults believe it creates a feeling of euphoria or heightened arousal. In reality, that sensation is caused by oxygen deprivation to the brain, which is a sign of injury, not pleasure. Research and reporting suggest that among some groups of young adults, particularly college-age populations, a significant number report having strangled a partner at least once during sexual activity. Among teens, exposure to this behavior often begins even earlier through social media, pornography, and peer conversations.

What is missing from those narratives is the reality of what strangulation actually is.

“There is no safe way to strangle someone,” said Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, Training Specialist at Younity. “Even when there are no visible injuries, strangulation can cause serious harm in seconds.”

As a training specialist, Sheilagh works closely with teens, families, educators, and professionals across the community. She sees firsthand how misinformation, combined with developmental vulnerability, puts young people at serious risk.

Why teens are especially vulnerable

Teens are new to relationships. They are still developing boundaries, learning what healthy relationships look like, and navigating intense social pressure to fit in. Many do not yet have the life experience or language to recognize when something feels wrong, especially if peers or media portray the behavior as normal.

“Teens often don’t know where the line is between a request and a demand,” Sheilagh explained. “They may feel pressure to go along with something because they fear losing a relationship or their entire friend group.”

Technology can intensify that pressure. Constant communication, location sharing, and the threat of sharing private images can be used to control or coerce a partner. In these situations, consent becomes complicated, especially when someone feels afraid to say no.

Unhealthy teen relationships are often minimized as “just kids figuring things out,” but the impact can be just as serious as adult domestic violence.

Why strangulation is so dangerous

Strangulation harms the body in two critical ways.

First, it restricts airflow, reducing the amount of oxygen reaching the brain. Even brief oxygen deprivation can cause brain injury. Loss of consciousness is not harmless. It is evidence that the brain has been injured. Adolescents are at particular risk because their brains are still developing.

Second, pressure on the neck can restrict blood flow to and from the brain. This increases the risk of stroke and long-term cognitive damage. Symptoms may include headaches, memory problems, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, anxiety, and depression. These effects may appear immediately or days later, which is why medical care is important even if someone feels fine afterward.

Research published in journals indexed by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has shown that non-fatal strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of future lethal violence in abusive relationships. Studies indicate that victims who have been strangled by an intimate partner are over 700% more likely to be killed by that same partner in the future. This finding is widely recognized by medical professionals, advocates, and law enforcement as a critical warning sign.

“Strangulation is often a sign of escalation,” said Sheilagh. “Once it starts, it is likely to happen again, and often more frequently.”

Strangulation is not experimentation. It is a crime.

Strangulation is not just dangerous. It is a crime.

In New Jersey, strangulation can be charged as aggravated assault, a felony offense. The law recognizes that restricting someone’s breathing or blood flow places them at high risk of serious injury or death, even when there are no visible marks.

This matters because strangulation is sometimes minimized as “rough sex” or framed as a misunderstanding between teens. Medically and legally, it is far more serious than that.

There is no scenario in which strangulation is harmless.

What teens need to know

If you find yourself thinking or saying:

• I’m not ready
• I’m not sure
• I guess so
• Not tonight
• Stop
• No

Those are signs that your boundaries are being crossed. You have the right to go at your own pace in a relationship and to say no without fear of punishment, retaliation, or humiliation.

If something feels wrong, trust that feeling.

What adults can do

Parents, caregivers, educators, and other trusted adults play a critical role in prevention and safety.

• Start conversations early, before teens begin dating.
• Stay calm and nonjudgmental if a teen shares something concerning.
• Focus on safety and support, not punishment.
• Help teens identify trusted adults they can turn to if they feel unsafe.
• Believe teens when they disclose harmful behavior.

“Judgment shuts kids down,” Sheilagh said. “What keeps them safe is knowing they will be believed and supported.”

Help and support at Younity

If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence or sexual violence, Younity is here to help.

Younity offers confidential support, counseling, advocacy, and education for teens and families navigating unsafe or abusive relationships.

24-hour Hotline:
609-394-9000

Statewide 24/7 Hotline:
1-800-572-SAFE (7233)

All services are confidential and free

For Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we’re reflecting on what we’re hearing directly from teens in our schools and what it means for prevention.

According to Grace Flagler, Younity’s Prevention & Community Educator, today’s teens often know more than adults assume.

“They can define abuse. They can identify red flags,” Grace shared during a recent community panel discussion. “They know the language.”

But knowing the terms and applying them in real life are two different things.

When it’s a best friend in an unhealthy relationship, or when early warning signs show up in their own lives, it becomes harder to name what’s happening. Many teens still believe, “It won’t happen to me.”

Grace notes that social media has added new layers of complexity to teen dating. Sharing locations, exchanging passwords, and constant check-ins can be framed as trust or closeness. In reality, these behaviors can blur into monitoring and control.

“Teens are growing up in a world where they’re always connected,” she explained. “That changes how relationships begin, escalate, and even end.”

Heather Horvath, MA, LPC, Counselor Advocate at Younity, approaches this work with both clinical training and lived experience. Having experienced dating violence herself as a college student, Heather understands how difficult it can be to recognize unhealthy patterns in the moment.

“Unhealthy relationships rarely start with obvious harm,” Heather explains. “They often begin with subtle behaviors — jealousy framed as protection, guilt disguised as affection, isolation presented as devotion.”

Together, Grace and Heather lead Younity’s Peer Educator Program at Lawrence High School, where students are trained to become leaders and advocates among their peers.

The program is structured, interactive, and student-centered. Peer Educators receive in-depth training on topics including consent, boundaries, power and control, bystander intervention, and recognizing early warning signs of dating violence. They practice real-life scenarios, build presentation skills, and learn how to respond when a classmate shares a concern.

Grace focuses on equipping students with the language and confidence to speak up. Heather brings a counseling perspective, helping teens understand the emotional dynamics behind jealousy, pressure, and control. Together, they create a space that is both educational and supportive.

The result is a group of students who are not only informed, but empowered to shift the culture around relationships in their school.

Prevention does not begin when harm has already occurred. It begins with conversation, modeling, and consistent reinforcement of what respect looks like.

As Grace often reminds students, talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend. If something feels wrong for someone you care about, it likely is not okay for you either.

Interested in Learning More About the Peer Educator Program?

Younity’s Prevention & Education team is expanding its Peer Educator initiative to reach teens across Mercer County. This evolving model centers youth voice, peer leadership, and real conversations about healthy relationships, respect, and boundaries.

If you are an educator, community partner, parent, or student interested in learning more about the program or exploring how to get involved, we would love to connect.

Contact Grace Flagler at education@younitynj.org to start the conversation.