Category: News

The care described in this story is made possible by the entire Safe House team, pictured above.

Back Row, left to right: Anjelica Chickara, Jeff Joseph, Alice Dauway, Celeste Little, Susan Victor, Gary Copeland, Mary Karanik, Angela Cartagena, Evangela “Van” Williams
Middle Row, left to right: Maireny Lopez, Nancy Washington, Koeberle Bull, Cesia Guadron, Nicole Wohlgemuth, Crystal Guerard
Front Row, left to right: Myriame Guervil, Altagracia Sierra, Nathalie S. Nelson, Melissa McCants

When someone arrives at the Safe House at Younity (formerly Womanspace), they may be exhausted, frightened, and unsure of what comes next. The first thing they need may not be a plan or a list of questions. They may simply need time to pause, gather their thoughts, and breathe.

That understanding shapes how Safe House Director Melissa McCants and her team approach every resident. Each person arrives with different experiences, needs, and goals, so the response cannot be one-size-fits-all.

“They need safety and to be heard,” Melissa said. While the Safe House has guidelines, she emphasized that the experience remains survivor-driven. Support begins with listening and, when someone is ready, helping them consider what they need and what comes next.

For nearly 50 years, Younity has continued to learn from the people it serves. As client needs have changed, the Safe House has evolved with them, while remaining rooted in the same commitment to safety, dignity, and compassionate support.

That client-centered approach is taking shape in new ways throughout the Safe House. The area where donated clothing and everyday essentials are organized and selected is being transformed into a more welcoming, accessible space. Staff are reducing unnecessary paperwork and using secure digital systems where appropriate. Melissa is also building new connections with community resources while exploring employment-readiness and self-care opportunities for residents.

She is paying equal attention to the staff culture within the house. In work that can be emotionally demanding, communication, trust, and mutual support affect not only employees, but the environment residents experience each day.

These changes are not a departure from the Safe House’s past. They are the latest examples of how Younity continues to listen, learn and shape its response around the people it serves.

Building on a Strong Foundation

The work underway today is part of a long history of learning, adapting and showing up.

“No matter what’s happening, no matter how it’s evolving, the staff from then and now continue to show up,” said Crystal Guerard, Safe House Program Coordinator, who began at Younity as an intern nearly 20 years ago. The goal, she explained, is for changes behind the scenes never to interrupt the care clients and hotline callers receive. “The services go on.”

That continuity is especially important in a program that operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There is no pause between one chapter and the next. Staff members adjust schedules, support one another, and make decisions in real time to ensure that someone is always there to answer the hotline, welcome a family, or help a resident take the next step.

“It takes a special person to work here,” Crystal said. “It’s not just a job. You have to want to do this.”

Over the years, the Safe House has become less rigid about how quickly someone must move forward. Rather than focusing on a fixed exit date, staff work with each resident toward what Crystal calls their “next safe place.”

That does not mean every challenge is resolved before someone leaves. It means residents have support as they identify their goals, understand their options, and begin preparing for the next chapter with greater safety, stability, and independence. The connection does not necessarily end when someone leaves the Safe House. Former residents can continue to reach out to Younity for support and available resources as new needs arise.

After living in an environment shaped by power and control, even ordinary choices can carry new meaning. Crystal has watched children enter the Safe House, see their room, and excitedly choose a bunk. They begin to understand that they can move freely without fear.

For residents who may have spent years anticipating another person’s reactions, that sense of safety can bring a rare moment of release.

“You’re safe to breathe,” Crystal tells them.

Making the Space Meet the Need

Over time, updates throughout the house, including new flooring, fresh paint, a renovated kitchen, a quiet lounge for adults, and dedicated spaces for children, have helped create a more comfortable and welcoming environment for residents.

And now, another part of the Safe House is being transformed.

For nearly 20 years, Altagracia “Alta” Sierra, Safe House Facility Coordinator, has helped ensure that residents have access to clothing, shoes, toiletries, toys, and other everyday essentials. The space is stocked entirely with brand-new items generously donated by members of the community for Younity clients.

The area is now being reorganized into a more welcoming and functional space where staff can easily see what is available and quickly gather items for residents. When a family arrives at the Safe House, Younity provides new clothing, shoes, toiletries, toys, and other everyday essentials. If a needed item or the appropriate size is not available, gift cards help residents purchase what they need.

The redesigned space will make it easier to organize donations, manage available inventory, and ensure that essential items are ready when families arrive. It also reflects the important role the community plays in helping Younity respond to residents with care and practical support.

That same attentiveness shapes the everyday care Alta provides. She shops for groceries twice each week and asks new residents about the foods their families normally eat. For someone arriving in an unfamiliar place, hearing a familiar language or finding familiar food can provide an immediate sense of comfort.

“Times change. Needs change in the community,” Alta said. Meeting those needs requires the Safe House to continue adapting its spaces, resources, and day-to-day support.

Technology is changing, too. The Safe House is gradually reducing its reliance on paper and using secure digital systems where appropriate. This helps staff work more efficiently while strengthening the careful handling and confidentiality of client information.

Each change, whether large or small, supports the same goal: helping residents receive the care, resources, and everyday essentials they need while staying at the Safe House.

The First Voice Someone Hears

The Safe House’s work often begins with a phone call. Safe House staff answer Younity’s 24/7 hotlines, offering support, information, and a listening ear to people in crisis.

Hotline Advocate Maireny Lopez understands how much that first interaction can matter.

“You are the first voice that they hear,” Maireny said. “That does determine whether they want to continue seeking help or not.”

Some callers know exactly what they need. Others are frightened, hesitant, or unable to put their experience into words. Some call and remain silent. Maireny lets them know Younity is there, the hotline is available 24 hours a day, and they can call back whenever they are ready.

She has learned that effective advocacy begins with patience. Every caller’s story is different, and not everyone knows how to ask for the help they need. By listening without judgment, an advocate can help someone feel heard, understand their options, and decide what feels right for them.

Sometimes, that is where the next step begins.

Growing Together

The Safe House will continue to evolve as survivors and the community bring forward different needs. Spaces, systems and programs may change, but the foundation will remain rooted in people caring for one another and working together to provide safety, dignity and choice.

“We really care for one another,” Alta said. For her, that is what has remained constant through every change: the human willingness to be there for someone else when they need you.

For Crystal, that commitment means being someone others can depend on. She values working alongside her colleagues, sharing what she has learned and being ready to help wherever she is needed.

“My work is reflective of my heart,” she said.

As Melissa looks ahead, she sees a Safe House that remains closely connected to the community, open to new ideas and supported by a staff culture rooted in communication and collaboration. The spaces, systems, and programs may continue to change, but the purpose behind them will remain clear: to listen to each person and ask, “What would help you move forward?”

Last year, Younity’s Peer Educator Program showed what can happen when young people are given the tools and trust to lead conversations about healthy relationships, consent, and dating violence.

This year, that conversation is growing.

After building a strong foundation at Lawrence High School, Younity has expanded the Peer Educator Program countywide, bringing together students from schools across Mercer County who want to help create safer, healthier communities.

The program is led by Grace Flagler, Prevention & Community Educator, and Ken Odenheimer, Prevention Educator Assistant, who are guiding students through training on healthy relationships, consent, domestic and sexual violence, and how to support someone who may be experiencing harm.

“We saw the passion and the drive from teens all over Mercer County wanting to work with us and wanting to talk about these important topics,” Grace said. “We wanted to give that opportunity to as many students as we could.”

And this year’s Peer Educators are bringing that passion with them.

“These kids are not just doing it to check off a box or to get into college,” Grace said. “You can tell that they are passionate about it. They have the drive. They have the curiosity, and they truly want to be there.”

Learning to See Beyond the Red Flags

Over the summer, this year’s Peer Educators came together for training covering healthy relationships, consent, domestic and sexual violence, warning signs of abuse, and how to support someone who may be experiencing harm.

But learning to recognize a red flag is only the beginning.

One of the most important lessons, Grace said, is empathy.

Young people can often recognize unhealthy or abusive behavior when they are looking at a relationship from the outside. It becomes much more complicated when those same behaviors come from someone a person knows, trusts, or loves.

“We need them to understand the nuances of being in that type of relationship,” Grace said. “Even though they already know all the red flags, when it’s coming from someone that you’ve known for a long time and you love, it’s going to look and feel different.”

Relationships involving abuse are rarely as simple as they may appear from the outside. Leaving may not feel easy or even possible. Speaking up can be difficult. Someone experiencing abuse may not identify what is happening to them as abuse.

“When talking about this, it is almost never black and white,” Grace said. “It is complicated and it is messy. And to understand that is to understand a victim-survivor.”

Ken said the training is designed not only to teach students how to support victim-survivors, but to help them understand the complexities that can make it difficult for someone to leave a relationship, speak out, or even talk with friends about what they are experiencing.

Just as importantly, Peer Educators learn where their role begins and ends. They are not being trained to become counselors or to solve someone else’s problems. They are learning how to listen, respond with empathy, and help connect someone with appropriate support.

Grace encourages students to pay attention to the language a friend uses to describe their own experience. If someone talks about “relationship drama” or calls a relationship “toxic,” immediately labeling that person’s experience or telling them what they should do can shut down the conversation.

“The most important thing our peer educators can do when speaking directly to a victim-survivor is to just be a friend,” Grace said. “You are not required to be a therapist. You are not required to be a cop. You just need to be a loved one.”

Why Peers Matter

That ability to talk with another teenager as a friend, rather than as an authority figure, is at the heart of the Peer Educator model.

Ken sees that same dynamic at work when students talk with their peers.

“They want to have those conversations with people who get them,” Ken said, “people who understand what it’s like to be in high school right now.”

Peer Educators learn how to make those interactions feel less like classroom presentations and more like conversations between friends, lowering the pressure around topics that can otherwise feel uncomfortable or intimidating.

Today’s teenagers are also navigating a dating culture that looks very different from the one many adults experienced.

“They have social media. They have factors that we never had, and they have a whole different language when it comes to dating that we’re still learning,” Grace said.

That shared experience helps Peer Educators connect in ways adults sometimes can’t. They understand how their peers communicate, the pressures students face, and the culture within their own schools.

Setting a New Standard

The goal is not simply for Peer Educators to absorb information. It is for them to take what they learn back into their schools and communities and help shape what their peers consider normal and acceptable.

Grace believes teenagers have enormous influence in setting those standards.

“Teenagers can be severely underestimated in terms of how influential they are to the community,” she said. “They are the ones setting the trends. They are deciding what’s cool and what’s not, what’s acceptable and what’s not.”

What if young people could use that influence to help establish a culture in which teen dating violence is taken seriously? Where supporting victim-survivors is expected? Where jokes about domestic and sexual violence are no longer brushed aside as harmless?

For Grace, that makes young people powerful voices for prevention in their own schools and communities.

Ken hopes students bring that same expectation back to their schools: that violence should not be tolerated, and that difficult conversations should not be avoided simply because they are uncomfortable.

He wants them to have the confidence and skills to “have the hard conversations” within their schools and communities. And with students now participating from across Mercer County, those conversations have the potential to reach far beyond a single school.

Throughout the year, Peer Educators will continue their education, collaborate with other student and community groups, participate in community events, and find ways to bring prevention messages into their own schools. Younity also hopes their example encourages other young people to speak up about issues that matter to them and ask their schools for more education around healthy relationships, consent, and violence prevention.

Serious Conversations, With Room for Joy

The subject matter can be heavy, but that doesn’t mean every moment of the program has to be.

During this summer’s training, students laughed, played games, asked questions, and began getting to know one another. That sense of connection is intentional.

“We’re talking about a topic that can be very upsetting,” Grace said. “But we also want to highlight good things. We want to highlight healthy relationships.”

Grace and Ken want students to understand the seriousness of the work while making room for positive conversations about healthy relationships, respect, and connection.

That balance is already taking shape. Between the serious conversations, students are laughing, getting to know one another, and discovering how much they have in common.

That connection matters. Ken said the students’ curiosity, insight, and genuine desire to learn have stood out during the training sessions. They are learning how to better support not only other students, but themselves, their friends, and their communities.

Bringing Peer Education Full Circle

There is another connection running through this year’s program.

Grace and Ken both came through Anti-Violence Initiatives (AVI) at The College of New Jersey (TCNJ), about a decade apart. Grace originally designed Younity’s Peer Educator Program to mirror the established AVI program.

That shared experience has given Grace and Ken a similar vision for what Younity’s Peer Educators can become. “We were both trained by the same people,” Grace said. “We have a very singular vision of what we want the peer educators to be.”

Now, the connection is coming full circle. Michelle Lambing and Zach Gall of AVI will join one of Younity’s Peer Educator meetings to provide additional training to the high school students.

“The people who trained us [are] now training our peer educators,” Grace said. For Younity’s Peer Educators, meeting college students doing similar work will also give them an opportunity to see what peer education can look like beyond high school.

Ken knows that progression firsthand. A recent TCNJ graduate, he has moved from doing peer education himself to helping teach a younger generation.

“I did so much of the peer educator part of it, and now I get to do the other part of it in teaching the peer educators,” he said. “Since I just did the peer educator piece, I have a lot of insight into what makes a peer educator the most effective.”

The Initial Spark

By the end of the year, success will not necessarily be measured by how many facts students can repeat.

For Ken, it will be visible in whether Peer Educators feel comfortable talking about consent, dating violence, sexual violence, and healthy relationships, and whether they feel equipped to have conversations that might once have seemed too awkward or difficult.

As Peer Educators eventually leave high school for college and other new environments, the need for these conversations will follow them.

For Grace, there is another measure of success: She wants them to want to keep going.

“I want our underclassmen to be excited for the years to come and think, okay, how can we do bigger and how can we do better?” she said.

Ideally, Grace said, the Peer Educator Program is only “the initial spark.”

Because when young people understand the influence they already have with their friends, their schools, and their communities, prevention doesn’t end when a training session is over.

It becomes part of how they listen, how they respond, and how they show up for one another.

And one conversation can become many.

A police station may be where a victim-survivor first reaches safety. It shouldn’t be another place that feels frightening.

That idea is at the heart of Stephanie’s Sanctuary, an initiative of the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation that transforms traditional police interview rooms into comfortable, welcoming spaces where victim-survivors can meet with law enforcement and advocates during a crisis.

Younity is partnering with the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation and local law enforcement to help expand these spaces across Mercer County, bringing together organizations with a shared commitment to supporting victim-survivors when they reach out for help.

The Foundation was created by Ed and Sharlene Parze in memory of their daughter, Stephanie, a vibrant 25-year-old from Freehold whose life was taken by an abusive former partner in 2019. Stephanie had experienced domestic violence before her disappearance. For 87 days, her family and community searched and waited for answers before her body was found in January 2020.

In the aftermath of an unimaginable loss, Ed and Sharlene created the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation, determined to turn their grief into action for others experiencing domestic and sexual violence. Stephanie’s Sanctuary is one part of that mission.

Each Sanctuary replaces the stark, institutional environment someone may encounter at a police station with a space intentionally designed to feel safe, private, and reassuring. Comfortable furniture, soft lighting, artwork, and other thoughtful touches create a more home-like setting. The rooms are also stocked with practical essentials, including water, snacks, clothing, phone chargers, informational resources, and items for children. The Foundation renovates, furnishes, stocks, and maintains the spaces at no cost to participating agencies.

The program began in Stephanie’s home community, with the Freehold Township Police Department becoming the first municipality to embrace and pilot the initiative. Since then, Stephanie’s Sanctuaries have opened in communities across New Jersey, with the Foundation working toward a larger vision of creating these spaces throughout the state and beyond.

Growing Across Mercer County

Now, that vision is growing across Mercer County.

The first Mercer County Stephanie’s Sanctuary opened at the Trenton Police Department on July 22. Even before the ribbon was cut, the room had already been put into use. At the unveiling, Younity’s Director of Crisis Response and Outreach, Varonda Kendrick, shared that a Younity advocate had already met there with a victim-survivor and her baby, who felt warm and welcomed in the new space.

“I’m so grateful for the partnerships between the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation, Trenton PD, and Younity,” Varonda said. “This is what community looks like.”

Bringing a Stephanie’s Sanctuary to a community takes exactly that kind of partnership. The Foundation brings its vision, resources, and commitment to Stephanie’s legacy. Local police departments provide the space and a commitment to creating a more supportive environment. Younity’s volunteer advocates help put those rooms into practice, meeting victim-survivors there during crisis response.

“Community is more than where we provide services. It is the relationships we build and the ways we show up for one another,” said Nathalie S. Nelson, Younity CEO & President. “When Younity, the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation, and our law enforcement partners come together, we each bring something different to the table. Together, we can create a stronger, more compassionate response for victim-survivors across Mercer County.”

Now the partnership is expanding. A second Mercer County Sanctuary at the Ewing Police Department will be unveiled this month, with a Sanctuary at Robbinsville Township’s new police headquarters planned next. The goal is to continue building that momentum, bringing these supportive spaces to police departments throughout Mercer County.

A Space That Changes the Experience

For Maureen Spataro, Stephanie’s Sanctuaries Project Manager, the mission is also deeply personal. A survivor herself, Maureen knows what it is like to seek help and not feel safe or supported by the environment around her. “Putting these rooms together with Ed has been very cathartic for me as a survivor,” Maureen said. “I believe that had a place like this existed when I really needed it, I would have been able to go in there and probably leave and not go back five more times.”

While helping prepare the Ewing room, Stephanie’s father, Ed, spoke with Varonda about why these spaces matter. Traditional police-station environments, he explained, can feel uninviting and authoritative to someone already experiencing fear and trauma.

“When they come into these sanctuaries, they come into a comfortable, more home setting where they can relax, de-escalate,” Ed said. That change, he explained, can make it easier for victim-survivors, advocates, and police officers to talk and move forward together.

For someone arriving with children, seemingly small things can matter: a comfortable place to sit, something to eat or drink, a toy or coloring book, and a private space where a family can begin to feel safe. The Foundation’s materials specifically identify those practical comforts as part of the Sanctuary model.

For Ed and Sharlene, every new Sanctuary carries Stephanie’s name into another community. Nothing can change what happened to their daughter. But a room created in her memory can change what happens when the next victim-survivor walks through the doors of a police station frightened, overwhelmed, and asking for help.

With Trenton complete, Ewing opening next, and Robbinsville ahead, Younity and the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation are working toward a larger goal: bringing welcoming, supportive spaces for victim-survivors to police departments throughout Mercer County.

One room at a time, Stephanie’s legacy is creating safer places to ask for help.

For many survivors of domestic violence, the hardest part of leaving isn’t packing a bag.

It’s looking into the eyes of the dog curled up at their feet, the cat sleeping on the windowsill, or the rabbit a child kisses goodnight, and wondering who will care for them once they’re gone and whether they’ll be safe.

For some, that question is enough to stay.

Domestic violence is about power and control. Abusers often threaten, injure, or kill beloved animals to intimidate survivors, punish them for seeking independence, or force them to remain in abusive relationships. A companion animal can become another tool of manipulation, another barrier to safety, and another reason someone feels they have no choice but to stay.

The numbers tell a heartbreaking story. Half of pet-owning survivors delay leaving because they fear for their pet’s safety. Seventy-one percent report that an abusive partner threatened, injured, or killed a beloved animal. Yet those same animals often become a lifeline during recovery, with 91% of survivors saying their pet played a significant role in helping them survive and heal.

At Younity, we understand that for many survivors of domestic violence, a beloved pet is family. The fear of leaving a companion animal behind can become a significant barrier to seeking safety. Drawing on decades of experience serving survivors, Younity is developing a comprehensive Pet Advocacy Program to ensure that no one has to choose between their own safety and their pet’s well-being. Led by Pet Advocate Janet Ginest, this initiative addresses a critical need that our team has seen firsthand for many years.

“To force someone to choose between their own safety and their companion animal is unconscionable,” Janet says. “For some people, their companion animal is the one constant in their lives where they feel loved and safe. That conviction is the driving force behind Younity’s new Pet Advocacy Program.

Removing One More Barrier to Safety

The Pet Advocacy Program is about much more than welcoming companion animals into housing. It removes one of the barriers that can prevent survivors from escaping abuse.

Thanks to the generous support of The Community Foundation of New Jersey, Younity is expanding its trauma-informed services by launching its Pet Advocacy Program. As part of this initiative, Younity plans to renovate its transitional housing program to become pet-friendly, allowing survivors to remain with their companion animals as they rebuild their lives.

In partnership with RedRover, Younity is also in the early stages of developing an on-site kennel, creating additional options to help keep survivors and their pets together and safe. By removing this critical barrier to safety, Younity is ensuring that no survivor has to choose between escaping abuse and protecting the companion animal they love. Creating a pet-friendly program requires far more than opening the door to companion animals.

Janet has spent months developing policies and procedures, participating in specialized training, working with insurance providers, establishing safety protocols, and consulting with national experts who have helped domestic violence organizations across the country build successful pet-friendly programs. Every detail has been thoughtfully planned to protect both survivors and their companion animals.

A Community Coming Together

Over the past several months, Janet has been laying the foundation for this innovative program by developing policies and procedures, completing specialized training, and building strong partnerships throughout the community. We are proud to be working alongside Lawrence Animal Hospital, West Trenton Animal Hospital, and Robbinsville Veterinary Clinic, whose collaboration will help ensure survivors and their companion animals receive the compassionate care and support they need.

While we have made tremendous progress, this is just the beginning. Bringing this vision to life will require the continued support of our community. Together, we can create a safe, welcoming environment where survivors and their pets can heal, rebuild, and begin a new chapter together.

Looking Ahead

For nearly 50 years, Younity has been committed to removing the barriers that prevent survivors from reaching safety, healing, and hope.

The Pet Advocacy Program removes one more.

No survivor should ever have to choose between escaping abuse and protecting the companion animal who has provided comfort, loyalty, and unconditional love through some of life’s darkest moments.

With the support of our community, they won’t have to.

For more information or to participate in the program, please email Janet Ginest at janetg@younitynj.org.

How changing the questions can change the conversation

When stories of domestic or sexual violence make the news, another story often unfolds in social media comments.

What was she doing out that late?
Why was he even there?
Why didn’t they fight back?
Why didn’t she just leave?

These questions may seem reasonable, but they all have one thing in common. They focus on the survivor instead of the person who caused the harm.

According to Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, BScN, MA, Training Specialist at Younity, that shift has consequences.

Victim-Blaming Changes the Story

Victim-blaming doesn’t just hurt survivors. It changes where we place responsibility. As Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen explains, “Victim-blaming decenters the harm-doer from the story.”

Instead of focusing on the person responsible for the abuse, we begin asking questions about the survivor.

What were they wearing?
Had they been drinking?
Why didn’t they tell anyone?
Why are they coming forward now?

Without realizing it, we’ve changed the story. The person responsible for the abuse fades into the background while the survivor becomes the focus of scrutiny.

That shift matters because it places the burden on the survivor to explain their actions instead of holding the person who caused the harm accountable. The responsibility for abuse belongs to the person who chose to commit it, not the person who experienced it.

Why We Ask Those Questions

If victim-blaming is so harmful, why is it so common?

Many of us ask these questions because we want reassurance that what happened to someone else could never happen to us.

Mescal Gunstensen says much of it comes from our desire to believe the world is fair.

“We want to believe the world is fair,” she explains. “If we make the right choices, we want to believe bad things won’t happen to us.”

Psychologists call this the belief in a just world. It is the tendency to believe that people generally get what they deserve.

That belief can make the world feel more orderly and predictable. Unfortunately, it can also cause us to assume that someone who experienced abuse must have done something to cause it.

That is where victim-blaming begins.

It is a way of reassuring ourselves that abuse happens only to other people. Unfortunately, that belief often comes at the expense of those who have experienced abuse.

Survival Doesn’t Always Look the Way People Expect

Another reason victim-blaming persists is that many people misunderstand how trauma affects the brain.

During a traumatic event, the brain shifts into survival mode. Some people fight. Others flee. Many freeze. These are automatic biological responses, not conscious decisions.

Trauma also changes how memories are stored. Survivors often remember events in fragments rather than in perfect chronological order. They may recall certain details vividly while other pieces emerge much later. That isn’t evidence that someone is lying. It is a normal response to overwhelming trauma.

As Mescal Gunstensen explains, survivors make the safest decision they can in that moment, even if it doesn’t look the way others imagine they would respond.

“Why Didn’t They Leave?”

Perhaps no question is asked more often of domestic violence survivors than “Why didn’t they just leave?”

The reality is far more complicated.

Abusive relationships are often built on patterns of coercive control. An abusive partner may isolate someone from friends and family, control finances, monitor their movements, threaten their children or pets, or convince them that no one else will believe them.

Leaving often means untangling every part of a shared life, including housing, money, transportation, childcare, employment, important documents, and personal safety.

In fact, the period when a survivor is preparing to leave is often the most dangerous time.

What may appear simple from the outside can be extraordinarily difficult and dangerous for the person living it.

How We Can Respond Better

If someone tells you they have experienced abuse, your response matters.

Mescal Gunstensen encourages people to begin with simple, supportive statements such as:

• I’m so sorry that happened to you.
• Thank you for trusting me.
• It’s not your fault.
• How can I support you?
• What do you need?

Listening without judgment, believing survivors, and connecting them with resources can make an enormous difference. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is let someone know they are not alone.

Organizations like Younity are here to help survivors find safety, support, and hope.

Just as importantly, we can challenge victim-blaming when we hear it. We can examine our own assumptions and remember where responsibility belongs.

Changing the Conversation

Victim-blaming doesn’t just affect one survivor. It discourages others from coming forward, delays healing, and allows abusive behavior to continue in silence.

Changing that culture begins with all of us.

The next time we hear ourselves asking, “Why didn’t they leave?” or “Why were they there?,” perhaps we can pause and ask a different question.

Why did someone choose to abuse another person?

That simple shift changes the conversation. It puts the focus back where it belongs, on the choices made by the person who caused the harm rather than the person who experienced it.

When we choose empathy over judgment, we create space for survivors to be heard, believed, and supported. We also send a clear message that responsibility for abuse belongs with the person who committed it.

For 50 years, Younity has stood with survivors by providing safety, support, and advocacy while helping our community better understand the realities of domestic violence and sexual violence. Each of us has the power to change the conversation. By challenging victim-blaming and keeping accountability where it belongs, we can help build a community where survivors are met with compassion instead of doubt.

More than 280 supporters, community leaders, advocates, volunteers, and friends gathered on May 28 at Trenton Country Club for Younity’s 30th Annual Awards Dinner, an evening that celebrated resilience, honored extraordinary changemakers, and raised critical support for survivors of domestic and sexual violence.

Together, guests contributed more than $53,800 through the evening’s Fund-a-Need appeal, silent auction and raffle, helping ensure that survivors and their families can continue to access safety, counseling, advocacy, housing, and support when they need it most.

As Younity prepares to celebrate its 50th anniversary next year, the evening served as both a reflection on how far the organization has come and a reminder of the work that still lies ahead.

Throughout the night, a common theme emerged from speakers, honorees, and community partners alike: healing begins when people show up for one another.

In her remarks, Younity CEO and President Nathalie S. Nelson reflected on the organization’s roots and the enduring legacy of founder Barbara Boggs Sigmund.

“Community is not just a nice idea,” Nelson said. “It is what helps people survive, heal, and rebuild.”

That spirit of community was reflected in this year’s honorees.

The Barbara Boggs Sigmund Award was presented to PBS News Hour journalist Amna Nawaz, whose reporting has helped elevate conversations around violence, justice, and the experiences of survivors. In accepting the award, Nawaz reflected on the many painful realities that too often do not make sense. Then she pointed to what does.

“What does make sense,” Nawaz said, “is the people who show up when you need them to show up, who step up when the need is there, who see and live the pain and then turn it into purpose.”

The Edwin W. Schmierer Award for Outstanding Volunteer Service was presented to Tina Karkera, a dedicated Younity advocate whose work places her alongside survivors during some of the most difficult moments of their lives. Karkera described advocacy not as heroism, but as the simple act of showing up.

“When Younity’s advocates see a survivor, we ask just one question: What do you need?”

She compared the role of an advocate to carrying a small candle into a dark tunnel, offering hope and support until a survivor can begin to see a path forward.

The Younity Award for Outstanding Community Partner was presented to the Trenton Community Street Team, recognized for their commitment to violence prevention, community engagement, and supporting residents throughout the City of Trenton. Accepting the award on behalf of the organization, Director Perry Shaw emphasized the importance of meeting people where they are and helping them discover their own path forward.

“We don’t do things for them,” Shaw said. “We do things with them.”

The evening also included remarks from survivor Risa, who shared her journey of rebuilding safety and stability for herself and her children after experiencing domestic violence. (Read her full story here.)

“Younity helped me and gave me a voice,” she told guests.

Through counseling, advocacy, housing support, and other services, Risa found the tools and confidence to move forward. Speaking about the future she is building for herself and her children, she shared, “I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on the way,” a statement that drew applause from the audience and served as a powerful reminder that healing is possible.

Assemblywoman Verlina Reynolds-Jackson led the evening’s Fund-a-Need appeal, inspiring guests to invest directly in services that provide safety, healing, and hope for survivors and their families.

The success of the evening was made possible by the generosity of sponsors, donors, volunteers, board members, staff, community partners, and everyone who chose to stand with survivors.

Last year alone, Younity answered 8,430 hotline calls from survivors seeking safety, guidance, and hope. Trained advocates responded to 566 survivors in hospitals, police departments, and other moments of crisis, while counselors provided services to 401 survivors and housing programs helped 333 adults and children find safety. Despite a 10 percent increase in demand for services, Younity continued to stand beside survivors when they needed support most. As Nelson reminded guests during the evening, “Behind every number is a person, a family, and a story.”

As the organization looks toward its 50th anniversary in 2026, Younity remains committed to the mission that has guided its work for nearly five decades: ensuring that no survivor faces abuse alone.

Together, we are stronger than abuse.

A new class of advocates is ready to step forward, trained to respond in moments when support matters most.

This past weekend, Younity’s Response Teams welcomed 16 newly trained advocates at a graduation ceremony attended by staff, partners, and proud family members. The group completed an intensive seven-week training, dedicating 64 hours to preparing for the realities of advocacy work.

Under the leadership of Response Teams Coordinator Varonda Kendrick, the training goes far beyond the classroom. Participants visit police departments across Mercer County, including each local station and campus departments at TCNJ and Princeton, gaining firsthand experience of where and how they may be called to respond. Saturday sessions are held at different police departments each week, including Trenton, East Windsor, and Lawrence, with graduation taking place at the Ewing Police Department.

“We make sure advocates understand what to expect from the moment they arrive, including where to go, how to navigate the space, and how to begin that first conversation,” Varonda shared. “That level of preparation helps them feel confident before they ever receive their first call.”

That preparation is already making an impact. Within days of graduating, several new advocates had responded to calls, offering support to individuals navigating dangerous and deeply personal situations.

“It’s powerful to see them step into the work so quickly,” Varonda said. “They’re ready. And more importantly, they understand what it means to truly be present for someone.”

A highlight of the ceremony was a keynote from Maureen Spataro of the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation, who spoke from her experience as a victim-survivor and addressed the new advocates directly about the importance of their role.

“She told them, ‘You’re heroes,’” Varonda shared. “She talked about what it would have meant to have someone like them by her side. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken six times to leave. Maybe it would have taken two. That stayed with all of us.”

Graduates received their certificates from Nathalie S. Nelson, CEO and President of Younity, and Lt. Alexis Durlacher of the Trenton Police Department, highlighting the strong partnership between Younity and local law enforcement.

“These advocates represent the heart of our mission,” said Nathalie S. Nelson. “They are stepping forward with compassion, courage, and a willingness to meet people in some of the most difficult moments of their lives. That kind of commitment strengthens our entire community.”

The ceremony also gave families a deeper understanding of the work ahead. Because advocates are bound by confidentiality, they cannot share details of what they experience on calls. Instead, families were encouraged to support in quieter, meaningful ways.

“They may come home and need a moment to process,” Varonda said. “Support can look like a hug or simply giving them space, understanding they’ve just returned from a difficult call.”

The group reflects a wide range of motivations. Some are retirees looking to give back to their community. Others are young adults determined to create change. Many are victim-survivors themselves, choosing to transform their experiences into support for others.

Despite their different backgrounds, a strong sense of connection forms quickly.

“They become a team,” Varonda said. “People who might never have crossed paths come together, support each other, and build something meaningful.”

That sense of purpose is reinforced throughout the training, particularly during sessions that challenge participants to set aside personal assumptions and focus fully on the needs of those they serve.

“It’s not about us,” Varonda emphasized. “It’s about meeting people where they are and responding with empathy, respect, and care.”

Advocates are taught that the goal is not to have all the answers, but to listen and connect in meaningful ways.

“Our role is to make sure the person in front of us feels seen, heard, and supported,” she said. “That connection is what matters most.”

With this graduating class, Younity’s Response Teams now includes 61 trained advocates. Even so, the need continues. The team operates 24/7, 365 days a year, ensuring every call for help receives a response.

In 2025, Younity experienced a 10 percent increase in requests for services, underscoring the growing demand for support across the community.

“Our priority is making sure that every time the phone rings, someone is there,” Varonda said.

As the demand for services grows, planning is already underway for next year’s advocate training.

“There’s always a need for more people who are willing to show up,” Varonda shared.

For her, the most meaningful part of the work is watching that transformation happen in real time.

“Watching advocates reach that moment of understanding,” she said. “When they recognize the impact they can have, that’s everything.”

As this new class of advocates steps forward, they join a dedicated network committed to showing up in the moments that matter most.

And in those moments, one thing is clear: no one has to face them alone.

As the need for support continues to grow, so does the need for advocates willing to step forward. If you are interested in becoming part of Younity’s Response Teams, you can add your name to the waitlist for Spring 2027 Training by contacting Varonda Kendrick at varonda@younitynj.org