For Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we’re reflecting on what we’re hearing directly from teens in our schools and what it means for prevention.
According to Grace Flagler, Younity’s Prevention & Community Educator, today’s teens often know more than adults assume.
“They can define abuse. They can identify red flags,” Grace shared during a recent community panel discussion. “They know the language.”
But knowing the terms and applying them in real life are two different things.
When it’s a best friend in an unhealthy relationship, or when early warning signs show up in their own lives, it becomes harder to name what’s happening. Many teens still believe, “It won’t happen to me.”
Grace notes that social media has added new layers of complexity to teen dating. Sharing locations, exchanging passwords, and constant check-ins can be framed as trust or closeness. In reality, these behaviors can blur into monitoring and control.
“Teens are growing up in a world where they’re always connected,” she explained. “That changes how relationships begin, escalate, and even end.”
Heather Horvath, MA, LPC, Counselor Advocate at Younity, approaches this work with both clinical training and lived experience. Having experienced dating violence herself as a college student, Heather understands how difficult it can be to recognize unhealthy patterns in the moment.
“Unhealthy relationships rarely start with obvious harm,” Heather explains. “They often begin with subtle behaviors — jealousy framed as protection, guilt disguised as affection, isolation presented as devotion.”
Together, Grace and Heather lead Younity’s Peer Educator Program at Lawrence High School, where students are trained to become leaders and advocates among their peers.
The program is structured, interactive, and student-centered. Peer Educators receive in-depth training on topics including consent, boundaries, power and control, bystander intervention, and recognizing early warning signs of dating violence. They practice real-life scenarios, build presentation skills, and learn how to respond when a classmate shares a concern.
Grace focuses on equipping students with the language and confidence to speak up. Heather brings a counseling perspective, helping teens understand the emotional dynamics behind jealousy, pressure, and control. Together, they create a space that is both educational and supportive.
The result is a group of students who are not only informed, but empowered to shift the culture around relationships in their school.
Prevention does not begin when harm has already occurred. It begins with conversation, modeling, and consistent reinforcement of what respect looks like.
As Grace often reminds students, talk to yourself the way you would talk to your best friend. If something feels wrong for someone you care about, it likely is not okay for you either.
Interested in Learning More About the Peer Educator Program?
Younity’s Prevention & Education team is expanding its Peer Educator initiative to reach teens across Mercer County. This evolving model centers youth voice, peer leadership, and real conversations about healthy relationships, respect, and boundaries.
If you are an educator, community partner, parent, or student interested in learning more about the program or exploring how to get involved, we would love to connect.
Contact Grace Flagler at education@younitynj.org to start the conversation.
