Strangulation is increasingly showing up in teen and young adult dating relationships, and the rise is deeply concerning.
Often referred to by teens as “choking,” the behavior is frequently framed online and in popular media as normal, consensual, or even desirable. Some teens and young adults believe it creates a feeling of euphoria or heightened arousal. In reality, that sensation is caused by oxygen deprivation to the brain, which is a sign of injury, not pleasure. Research and reporting suggest that among some groups of young adults, particularly college-age populations, a significant number report having strangled a partner at least once during sexual activity. Among teens, exposure to this behavior often begins even earlier through social media, pornography, and peer conversations.
What is missing from those narratives is the reality of what strangulation actually is.
“There is no safe way to strangle someone,” said Sheilagh Mescal Gunstensen, Training Specialist at Younity. “Even when there are no visible injuries, strangulation can cause serious harm in seconds.”
As a training specialist, Sheilagh works closely with teens, families, educators, and professionals across the community. She sees firsthand how misinformation, combined with developmental vulnerability, puts young people at serious risk.
Why teens are especially vulnerable
Teens are new to relationships. They are still developing boundaries, learning what healthy relationships look like, and navigating intense social pressure to fit in. Many do not yet have the life experience or language to recognize when something feels wrong, especially if peers or media portray the behavior as normal.
“Teens often don’t know where the line is between a request and a demand,” Sheilagh explained. “They may feel pressure to go along with something because they fear losing a relationship or their entire friend group.”
Technology can intensify that pressure. Constant communication, location sharing, and the threat of sharing private images can be used to control or coerce a partner. In these situations, consent becomes complicated, especially when someone feels afraid to say no.
Unhealthy teen relationships are often minimized as “just kids figuring things out,” but the impact can be just as serious as adult domestic violence.
Why strangulation is so dangerous
Strangulation harms the body in two critical ways.
First, it restricts airflow, reducing the amount of oxygen reaching the brain. Even brief oxygen deprivation can cause brain injury. Loss of consciousness is not harmless. It is evidence that the brain has been injured. Adolescents are at particular risk because their brains are still developing.
Second, pressure on the neck can restrict blood flow to and from the brain. This increases the risk of stroke and long-term cognitive damage. Symptoms may include headaches, memory problems, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, anxiety, and depression. These effects may appear immediately or days later, which is why medical care is important even if someone feels fine afterward.
Research published in journals indexed by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) has shown that non-fatal strangulation is one of the strongest predictors of future lethal violence in abusive relationships. Studies indicate that victims who have been strangled by an intimate partner are over 700% more likely to be killed by that same partner in the future. This finding is widely recognized by medical professionals, advocates, and law enforcement as a critical warning sign.
“Strangulation is often a sign of escalation,” said Sheilagh. “Once it starts, it is likely to happen again, and often more frequently.”
Strangulation is not experimentation. It is a crime.
Strangulation is not just dangerous. It is a crime.
In New Jersey, strangulation can be charged as aggravated assault, a felony offense. The law recognizes that restricting someone’s breathing or blood flow places them at high risk of serious injury or death, even when there are no visible marks.
This matters because strangulation is sometimes minimized as “rough sex” or framed as a misunderstanding between teens. Medically and legally, it is far more serious than that.
There is no scenario in which strangulation is harmless.
What teens need to know
If you find yourself thinking or saying:
- I’m not ready
- I’m not sure
- I guess so
- Not tonight
- Stop
- No
Those are signs that your boundaries are being crossed. You have the right to go at your own pace in a relationship and to say no without fear of punishment, retaliation, or humiliation.
If something feels wrong, trust that feeling.
What adults can do
Parents, caregivers, educators, and other trusted adults play a critical role in prevention and safety.
- Start conversations early, before teens begin dating.
- Stay calm and nonjudgmental if a teen shares something concerning.
- Focus on safety and support, not punishment.
- Help teens identify trusted adults they can turn to if they feel unsafe.
- Believe teens when they disclose harmful behavior.
“Judgment shuts kids down,” Sheilagh said. “What keeps them safe is knowing they will be believed and supported.”
Help and support at Younity
If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence or sexual violence, Younity is here to help.
Younity offers confidential support, counseling, advocacy, and education for teens and families navigating unsafe or abusive relationships.
24-hour Hotline:
609-394-9000
Statewide 24/7 Hotline:
1-800-572-SAFE (7233)
All services are confidential and free
