Stalking is when someone repeatedly follows, contacts, or watches another person in ways that are unwanted and cause fear or distress. This can include constant phone calls, repeated texting or emailing, monitoring through social media, or showing up at places where the person lives, works, or spends time. The key is that the behavior is repeated, unwanted, and makes the person feel unsafe or anxious.
Stalking does not look the same for everyone, and it does not always begin with behavior that feels obviously dangerous. For many people, it starts quietly, often framed as concern, attention, or care. Over time, those behaviors can escalate into constant monitoring, fear, and a loss of safety.
According to Johanka Lantigua, a bilingual Counselor Advocate with Younity’s Counseling & Support Services team, this pattern is something she sees often in her work with clients.
“Stalking can show up in many ways,” Johanka explains. “Some people are tracked through their phones or cars. Others are followed in different vehicles, monitored through social media, or watched through cameras placed in personal spaces. These behaviors create constant fear and stress.”
When Stalking Is Hard to Recognize
One of the greatest challenges Johanka sees is that many clients do not initially recognize what they are experiencing as stalking.
“In many cases, the person harming them is someone they know,” she says. “At first, behaviors are explained away as care or concern. Someone asks for a location ‘for safety,’ wants constant access, or checks in repeatedly. Over time, that turns into control.”
Clients may minimize early warning signs such as excessive calling, pressure to share passwords or locations, or anger when they do not respond immediately. “These behaviors are not normal or healthy,” Johanka emphasizes. “When they escalate, they can become dangerous.”
Safety Planning Is Personal
Johanka works closely with clients to develop individualized safety plans, recognizing that there is no single approach that works for everyone.
“Safety planning means thinking ahead,” she explains. “What will you do if the person shows up? Who can you call? Where can you go? It also means involving people you trust, like coworkers, neighbors, or family, so you are not carrying this alone.”
She also encourages clients to be mindful of routines, adjust schedules when possible, and limit what they share online. “Stalkers use predictability,” she says. “Changing routes, shopping at different locations, and keeping social media accounts private can help reduce risk.”
Technology Can Help—and Harm
While technology is often used to stalk and monitor, Johanka also points to tools that can increase safety.
She recommends free safety apps such as Noonlight and App-Elles, which allow users to discreetly alert emergency services or trusted contacts if they feel unsafe. “These tools can provide reassurance, especially when someone feels vulnerable or alone,” she says.
Johanka also encourages clients to regularly check phones, Bluetooth settings, and vehicles for unfamiliar devices, and to document anything that feels concerning. “Writing things down matters,” she notes. “Dates, times, screenshots, call logs—this information can be critical if someone seeks legal protection.”
Trust Your Instincts and Seek Support
Perhaps the most important message Johanka shares is this: trust your instincts.
“If something feels wrong, it probably is,” she says. “Stalking is not the survivor’s fault, and no one deserves to live in fear.”
Counseling can help survivors process the stress and trauma of stalking while also building practical strategies for safety and healing. “You do not have to wait until something terrible happens to ask for help,” Johanka adds. “Support is available.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking, Younity’s Counseling & Support Services is here to help.
Johanka’s Tips for Staying Safer When You’re Experiencing Stalking
Trust your instincts.
If something feels off, take it seriously.
Make a safety plan.
Decide ahead of time where you can go and who you can contact if the person shows up.
Tell people you trust.
Let a coworker, neighbor, or friend know what’s happening so you have support and extra eyes.
Protect your accounts.
Update passwords, use two-step verification, and review privacy settings on social media.
