For most of our 50-year history, people have pictured a very specific scenario when they hear “domestic and sexual violence”: a man harming a woman. Women are still the majority of victim-survivors we serve, and they continue to experience the most severe and ongoing patterns of abuse.
But in the last several months, our advocates have been seeing something else alongside that reality: more men are quietly stepping forward.
We can’t say with certainty why this is happening. Some of the increase may be connected to our recent name change from Womanspace to Younity, which was designed to make it clear that all victim-survivors are welcome here, including men. It may also reflect a broader cultural shift as more men begin to recognize what they are experiencing as abuse. It could also be that as Younity has strengthened our relationships with law enforcement throughout the county, police officers have become more likely to call us to assist with any case that shows signs of domestic abuse or sexual violence. Most likely, it’s a mix of many factors, including some we can’t yet see.
What we do know is that the need is real, and it is right here in Mercer County.
Our internal data confirms what staff on the front lines have been noticing.
The numbers back this up
- In the last full fiscal year, men made up 10% of all Response Teams callouts.
- In just the last five months, that number has risen to 15% of all callouts.
- Most striking: 26% of all sexual-violence callouts since July have been for men — matching the total number of male sexual-violence responses from the entire previous year.
- In the last six months, continuing a trend from last year, 33–35% of domestic-violence victim-survivors Younity has met with in municipal court, before their case has gone before the judge, have been men.
We don’t have every answer about why this shift is happening, but it is unmistakable.
Abuse has no gender
Two people who see this trend closely are Varonda Kendrick, Coordinator of Younity’s Response Teams for the entire county, and Suki Wasserman, Younity’s Interim Crisis Response Team Sexual Assault Specialist. Together, they are often the first point of contact when someone in crisis meets with Younity — at the police station, the hospital, or in court.
Both describe meeting men who arrive unsure whether what they’re experiencing “counts” as abuse. Some have been coerced into unwanted sexual activity by a current or previous partner. Others have been physically assaulted or threatened during a separation. Some are older adults harmed by adult children who depend on them. Others feel trapped in complicated family dynamics where no option feels safe.
Although men and women often experience many of the same forms of abuse — including coercion, intimidation, emotional manipulation, physical harm, and sexual violence — the way men interpret these experiences can look different. As Varonda explained, the underlying power-and-control dynamics are similar across genders, but men often hesitate to name what is happening as abuse. Many feel embarrassed, believe they should be able to “handle it themselves,” or question whether they will be taken seriously.
Suki noted that there is often surprise that men “cannot defend themselves.” She explained that if a man does not feel comfortable using physical force against another person, he may not feel comfortable using physical force to defend himself either. In these situations, a man’s strength or stature becomes irrelevant. What matters is the dynamic of fear, control, and harm — not physical capability.
Suki shared one moment that stood out to her: a man confided in her that he was surprised to learn that what happened to him was considered domestic or sexual violence. Suki gently asked, “If a man did this to a woman, would you consider it abuse?” He paused and said yes.
That shift in perspective, she explained, is common. Men can often recognize abusive behavior clearly when imagining it happening to someone else, yet struggle to extend that same clarity or compassion to themselves.
Many begin with the same questions:
“Should I really be reporting this?”
“Will anyone believe me?”
“Am I supposed to just handle this on my own?”
Suki shared that when she reassures a man, “You’re not the only person we’ve talked to about this,” she often sees immediate relief. For many, it is the first time anyone has told them that what they experienced is real, that there is no reason to feel shame, and that it matters.
Varonda often reminds people that abuse has no gender, no job title, no financial status, and no neighborhood.
“A victim is a victim,” she said. “When someone sits across from us, they’re a human being who needs help. Their money, status, or gender doesn’t protect them from abuse — and it shouldn’t keep them from asking for support.”
Why the name change matters
For years, when staff and volunteers walked into a room and introduced themselves as being from Womanspace, men often assumed, understandably, that our services weren’t meant for them.
Our new name, Younity, reflects a simple truth: anyone who is experiencing domestic and sexual violence — whatever their identity or background — can turn to us for support.
It’s too early to say the name change alone caused the increase in male callouts. But it is doing what we hoped: Opening the door wider and helping more people recognize that Younity is a place for them.
What stays the same
Recognizing male victim-survivors does not mean turning away from the reality that women are still disproportionately affected by severe, ongoing abuse. Both can be true:
- Women remain at the center of our mission, and
- Men, too, are experiencing serious harm and deserve to be heard and helped.
Our goal is not to compare experiences. It is to make sure no one is excluded from safety and support because of gender, identity, or assumptions about who “should” be a victim.
If this sounds familiar — for you or someone you love
If you are a man experiencing abuse — whether from a partner, spouse, or family member — you are not alone. Feeling embarrassed, afraid, or unsure is common. None of those feelings mean you deserve what is happening.
Younity’s 24/7 hotlines, counseling services, and Response Teams are here for anyone in Mercer County who has experienced domestic and sexual violence.
When you’re ready, reach out.
We will believe you.
We will listen.
And together, we will work toward safety.
Younity 24/7 hotline: 609-394-9000
younitynj.org/get-help
